Lost and Found
by Rachelly
Summary: Dean searches for Sam, who is MIA after a hunt goes bad.
1. Chapter 1

Lost and Found

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Supernatural, well except for the Season 1 DVD collection, but I do, so enjoy writing about Sam and Dean. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1

A weary, blonde haired, blurry-eyed driver parallel parked his '67 Impala on a potholed, two lane street across from the Lake Front Inn and cut the engine. It almost seemed to whine exhaustedly before going silent having given its all in loyalty to its owner. It was the least it could do after having been resurrected by the dedicated man less than a few months earlier following a horrendous collision with an unforgiving semi.

The heavy-eyed traveler and older sibling had used his skills in deception to get a paper trail on Sam _Davison_'s a.k.a. _Winchester's_ credit card and it had led him straight to here, a dumpy little nothing town in the middle of nowhere. Sam had gone LB-MIA (Little Brother Missing In Action) over a week ago and Dean's appearance showed it. Having had little to no sleep as he frantically drove across the country following what little data he could gather, the scruffy, exhausted, and emotionally distraught hunter looked like he'd been to hell and back again…well, actually …he looked like he'd been to hell and was stuck there.

His pride and joy, the usually slick black car, was dusty and uncared for which was quite uncharacteristic. Its black leather seats were littered with empty coffee cups, wrappers from almost every fast food restaurant that had ever been franchised, and discarded clothes. The normally pristine car had been serving as a bed and breakfast for the past week and was desperately in need of a visit from "housekeeping".

Dean didn't even notice, and if he had, he wouldn't have cared anyway. He was consumed. Only one thing was on his mind, one person…Sam. He had to get his brother back and the paper chase led to the dumpy motel that lay before him. His sibling had to be there. The last charge on the credit card had been from this address and it had been made at 10:41 pm…last night.

He had no idea what had prompted his brother to come to _this_ place in this _nothing _little town in the middle of _nowhere_. Maybe a vision or something he had read on the internet at some public library had been used as his compass. Dean's worst fear of course was that his little brother had come here simply because it was about as far away from Dean as the kid could get.

Dean closed his eyes at that thought and wiped his hand across his tired face. He refused to believe that was the case, but his own insecurities from his father's leaving him just over a year ago had left him with self doubt. Even though his father claimed he was doing it for Dean's own good, just as he suspected Sam would say if given the chance, the irrational feelings lingered. The demon's words seemed to find fertile soil in his heart from time to time and this bordered on one of those times. _They don't need you_, the evil thing had said using his father's face and eyes to inflict additional pain.

It was tempting to give in to those haunting words, to turn his car around and drive away, but in truth, he knew his brother _did _need him, and now more than ever. His father had made that clear the morning he died and Dean was not about to fade into the background defeated by the demon's haunting words, leaving his brother to a fate that had been set in motion on Sam's sixth month of life.

Dean shifted trying to bring relief to his stiff limbs which had practically locked in the driving position the last hundred miles or so. His legs resisted but his right foot appreciated the fresh blood as it re-circulated back into it. He turned stiffly to look at the Lake Front Inn. Ironically, from his position, there was no lake to be seen. Dean wondered if there ever had been. The place was run down and even that was a kind assessment. The stucco was cracked and falling, the wood around the windows and door frames was in sad need of repair and a fresh coat of paint, and the parking lot looked more like a golf course littered with holes than a place anyone would dare to navigate to park. Sam sure knew how to pick em. Dean wondered if Sam had registered under Jim Rockford and was tempted to check with the hotel owner, but he was pretty sure since his brother didn't want to be found, he wouldn't have used their strategy for finding each other.

Dean sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair. He had spent all his energies to get to this point, to locate his brother and now that he was here... he wasn't sure what he should do. Sam chose to leave and he had the right to, but in Dean's opinion, his little brother had left for all the _wrong_ reasons. He'd left to protect Dean. He'd left thinking that he was no longer able to be an equal in the partnership they had forged the past year. He'd left because he considered himself a "handicap", a liability, and that he would eventually get Dean killed. After their recent hunt, he knew his younger sibling was blaming himself for his big brother's injuries. Sam hadn't actually said so, but Dean knew the way Sam thought and could hear Sam's voice in his head saying those exact words.

Regardless of Sam's reasons for leaving, the truth was...Dean didn't need _protecting_...what he needed was Sam. He needed Sam and Sam needed him, like it or not and Dean knew it. Going it alone might _seem,_ in his little brother's _college boy_ mind, full of logic and reasoning confused by an oversized heart laced with guilt, to be saving his big brother's life, but in the end, it would be Sam and Dean's undoing. Forgetting the fact that going separate makes them more vulnerable to the demon's ongoing threat, their relationship is all that they have, all that was keeping them going, especially after Dad's death. Without that partnership, both would unravel.

"You're all I have" Dean's words replayed in his mind from the night his Dad had taken the colt to meet with Meg and gone missing "...without you..." Dean swallowed hard as the words..._and Dad..._no longer applied..."I'm barely holding it together." Dean needed Sam, he was his rock, the one pure steady thing in his life, the one person who knew him and still loved him.

And Sam ... well ... Sam needed him too. Sam needed to understand and be understood and Dean was the only person who seemed to get that. His little brother had always been that way. From the time he began to speak, words spilled out of the little guy's mouth, some days almost too many to listen to, often seemingly unimportant words…yet somehow they sought to communicate, to connect Sam to his brother, his family.

And the questions….half of which Dean had no clue how to answer, often led to meanings only the brothers could share and understand. It was something John never quite got about Sam. John saw questions as indications of disrespect, not as means to gain understanding and deepen relationships and it caused many frustrating arguments between the two which slowly created the rift that remained up until his death.

One particular conversation came to Dean's mind as he stared across the street at the hotel that stood basking in the morning sun as he waited for his brother to appear. He could almost visualize it as if Sam were sitting on the curb outside the motel right in front of him. A seemingly unimportant question had led to a connection only the brothers had shared, one that deepened understanding and comforted hurts, that further cemented the unbreakable bond that they now so heavily rely upon.

_Flashback:_

_John had been busy working on research for an upcoming hunt. Something local had caught his attention and he'd been on the phone with Caleb and Pastor Jim for more than an hour. The conversation was becoming a bit gruesome as John began discussing the details of the mutilations that had occurred the past two weeks. _

_Glancing over at six year old Sammy, who stood listening…wide eyed, staring at him, John decided his youngest needed to go outside for a moment. He gestured to Dean. _

"_Take your brother outside, but stay close to the door. Leave it open a crack so I can see you" he whispered as his hand covered the mouthpiece of the cracked hotel telephone._

"_ Daddy, I wanna stay here _with you, _Dean **and** you." Sammy stated sincerely._

_"Sorry, Sammy" John answered shaking his head no as he tried to continue listening to Pastor Jim's suggestions._

_"Why not? Please can't I stay here with you?" Sam questioned pleadingly._

_"Hold on a minute, Jim, " John spat as he put his hand once again over the mouth piece and glared at his youngest. "Yes, Dad!" John corrected his son as he became annoyed. _

_Sam's face became downcast. "yes, dad" he softly muttered._

_"Dean!" John barked, waving his hand and pointing towards the door._

"_Yes, sir" the eldest responded and shuffled his little brother out. _

_John turned back to his conversation before the boys had taken up their residency outside._

_It was a hot summer evening and the moon was full and low in the night's sky. Dusk had just yielded to the evening's right to rule. The boys sat on the curb outside their motel hoping to get a glimpse of some fireflies in the field nearby. Every once in a while they would spot one and point off in the distance as they saw its flicker of light... as if laying claim to it. It wasn't long before the field was a sea of flickering lights magically twinkling._

_Sam enthusiastically jumped up and began pointing everywhere, delighting in his claim over the entire field. Dean laughed. Sam looked over and beamed, enjoying his brother's approval._

_Dean noticed Sam's shoelace was untied and leaned over to fix it. Trying to tie Sam's shoes was like trying to catch a fly in your hand…nearly impossible. Dean knew. He'd tried several times to land a fly without success. It gave him something to do whenever they had to eat at one of the local diners. He'd seen his dad do it once so he knew it was possible and he was determined to be a great hunter one day, fast like his dad. Tying Sam's shoes was good practice for that day!_

"_Hold still, Sammy." Dean requested._

_Sam stilled as his brother tied his shoe…well, except every time he would find another batch of fireflies to claim. Somehow Sam's fingers and mouth were connected to his feet. When one moved, the other did too. Dean just shook his head, but eventually the shoelace got tied and his younger sibling took a seat next to him once again. The two sat in silence for a brief moment enjoying the quiet of the evening and the beauty of the illuminating field. John's voice droned on in the background but neither boy seemed to notice._

"_Hey Dean?" six year old Sammy spoke as he squirmed beside his big brother. _

"_Yeah, Sammy" Dean answered softly as his eyes returned to scan the moonlit field once again._

"_What do you think that firefly there is telling the other one?" the younger boy's voice questioned enthusiastically as he pointed off to the left over by a large tree that stood guarding the tranquility of the grassland._

"_What makes you think it's saying anything?" Dean questioned kindly willing to enter his little brother's magical perspective._

"_Well, that one blinks twice and that one blinks once, right after"_

"Reeeeealy_" Dean replied exaggerating his voice playfully. He was amused by Sam's observation._

"Yep, l_ook ! You'll see. S'like they're talking to each other"_

_Dean glanced over to the field and spotted the two lights his little brother was pointing to. Sure enough, he was right. One blinked twice and the other seemed to answer._

"_See em?" Sam questioned, his bright eyes eager to have his brother acknowledge his great discovery._

_Dean nodded his head, "Guess I do, little brother"_

"_Well? What are they saying?" the six year old asked looking up at his big brother who would know all the answers._

"_Don't know kiddo. What do you think?"_

_Sammy paused for a moment and then replied, "I think two blinks is yes and one blink is no"_

"_Makes sense" Dean acknowledged, "but ...doesn't make much of a conversation" Dean added with a playful smile…"yes? No! Yes! No?" Dean joked as the lights flickered back and forth. He used interesting voices and expressions, one male and one female to add to the effect._

_Sammy laughed out loud so hard he fell into his brother. The two boys giggled and tickled for a bit and then went back to the business of firefly watching. Sam, who was never at a loss for words, seemed to grow quiet as he settled close beside his big brother resting his elbows on Dean's right knee._

_Dean noticed and engaged his silent sibling. "Whatcha thinkin?"_

_Sam looked over at his brother and looked back at the fireflies. The joy of the moment earlier was gone from his little face. Sadness seemed to fill his large slowly blinking eyes._

_Dean put his arm gently around his little brother's shoulders. "What's up little dude?" he asked softly as he squeezed his brother twice, trying to coax the despairing sibling to reveal the source of his anguish._

"_Kind of makes me think of me and Daddy" Sam offered glancing down._

_Dean was taken back by Sam's comment. "How so?"_

"_Yes... no... yes... no" Sam mentioned sadly. "We argue a lot like that" he softly added placing his small hands between his little knees while rocking them back and forth between them._

_Dean removed his arm from Sam's small shoulder and nodded his head, acknowledging his brother's observations and the pain that accompanied them. He gently placed his hand on Sam's knee to be sure he had his sibling's full attention. _

"_Everybody argues with their dads, Sammy" Dean offered to comfort his little brother. "It's just what dads and kids do"_

"_You and dad are more like those two fireflies" he said as he gestured at the firefly blinking twice in the field. "Yes? Yes. Yes? Yes."_

_Dean suddenly felt sad. His brother's observation was spot on. For someone so young, he seemed suddenly so old. Sam needed things to go well with his dad and was struggling with the distance that existed between them. The little guy longed to understand and be understood…to "yes" and be "yes-ed" at._

"_You know, Sammy" Dean began as he moved shoulder to shoulder next to his little sibling, " I might say 'yes' to dad, but sometimes inside my head, I'm saying 'no'."_

_The six year old looked up, surprised by his older brother's comment, and then glanced down at the curb between his feet. "My head is always saying no." Sam offered shaking his head sadly and looking up into his big brother's face for understanding. "Just wish my mouth wouldn't always listen."_

_Dean smiled and gently elbowed his little brother reassuringly, "Give it time, little brother, give it time…" He couldn't help but wonder whether time would truly make a difference, but for Sam's sake, he hoped it would. _

….time.…time was something Sam no longer had. The memory faded slowly from Dean's thoughts as he drifted back to the present. Sam had longed to be close to Dad ,like Dean and his father had been. The kid had really needed that all his life. But Dad's dead, there was no more time for the "yes... yes" his little brother had yearned for. Sadness washed over him as he sat in the late afternoon sun as it baked the Impala's interior to an almost unbearable temperature.

Dean knew Sam needed him, now, more than ever, not just for what lay ahead, but to overcome what remained unresolved in the past. Dean was the only person who understood Sam that was left. Jess was gone, the hope of that with Dad was scattered to the wind. Dean was all Sam had left and he knew his little brother would not make it on his own. Not that he was incapable, but it just was not who he was. Going it alone would destroy his little brother's heart. Dean knew that much and sure as hell wasn't about to let his brother walk away no matter what Sam thought he should do, especially if his reason for leaving was to "save" Dean.

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The early afternoon sun seemed to mock Dean as he sat baking in his classic '67... "oven" waiting for his little brother to emerge. He figured a few more minutes in this heat and something inside of him would pop out indicating that he was fully cooked. Even with all the windows rolled down, the internal temperature had to be at least 110 degrees.

Dean glanced over to the broken Lake Front Motel sign that was dangling pathetically from the cracked wooden post it had been mounted on, and screwed up his face. No sign of Sam…no sign of _anything_ actually. He was surprised by the lack of activity. _Everybody must be swimming in 'the lake' around back_ he sarcastically grumbled to himself as sweat trickled its way down his brow and into his right eye causing it to burn and tear.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and reached for the half drunk bottle of warm soda haphazardly lying on the passenger seat. His sweaty t-shirt stuck to the leather momentarily, which aggravated his sore back. He twisted the top and frowned when it lacked the refreshing hiss he had hoped for as he opened it. "flat...that's just great" he complained as he guzzled down the warm syrupy liquid in his pathetic attempt to refresh himself.

He lifted the bottom of his t-shirt and wiped his forehead, then glanced around…. still nothing, no cars, no people….. no Sam. His eyes noticed a Mini-Mart just down the street and for a moment he considered stopping in for some food and a cold beer, but then he looked back at the motel. Knowing his luck, Sam would leave while he was occupied inside making some stupid decision as to whether to buy the Hostess Cinnamon Swirl Muffin or indulge himself with the cream filled chocolate cupcakes. He couldn't take a chance on missing Sam, of losing him again. Sam needed him and he was gonna sit there until hell froze over or, in his case, until the flames of hell engulfed him, if necessary so he could be there for Sammy… that is _if _…his little brother would let him. The jury was still out on that one.

oooOOOooo

Dean's stomach growled as he scanned the motel doors for any signs of movement. He wondered what his younger sibling could possibly be doing all day long in his hotel room…sleeping? Doubtful. Sam rarely got a good night's sleep, let alone caught a few extra zzzzzs during the day. The kid was always up at the crack of dawn, usually disturbed by troubling nightmares. It was only on rare occasions that Sam would be asleep well into the morning…and most of them were due to trouble…fevers or injuries.

Dean recalled a time Sam had been wounded in a hunt and had ended up sleeping for almost three days straight. It had seriously scared the crap out of Dean.

_They had been tracking what they thought was a black dog for over an hour, deep into the woods up in New England. As it turned out, they were hunting a female werewolf. The boys knew they were in trouble when they stumbled across her litter. "A protective female werewolf is nothing to mess with when her kits are around" their father's voice echoed warningly in the back of both their minds simultaneously. It had been drilled into them from day one. Had it not been for his little brother's intuition and quick reflexes, coupled with their training and teamwork, neither one would have made it out alive. _

_As Dean attempted to slowly step back away from the three kits that stood staring at him with their teeth bared, uttering low threatening growls, the mother attacked him. He went down hard and rolled trying to toss the creature off. Her jagged teeth had grabbed hold of his leather jacket, but had failed to break his skin…yet. It was only a matter of seconds before she would tear him apart and both brothers knew it. _

_Sam, knowing that a shot would just as easily hit Dean as much as the werewolf as the two tussled on the forest floor, made a move for the kits, knowing full well he would draw the enraged creature's attention off his brother and onto himself. _

_Instinctively, the female discarded Dean and went straight for Sam, who at that point had fired two shots that had taken out two of the kits and was making headway towards the third. Dean had desperately hollered to his brother once he was freed of her massive weight to warn him of her coming, but it was too late. The beast, having seen her two kits' bodies morphing back into human forms as they lay dying on the ground, viciously attacked Sam. _

_Dean watched in horror as his brother's body was slashed and shaken violently and without mercy. He took aim and fired on the third kit hoping to draw the vindictive creature's attention back upon himself. She looked up in his direction, but was dead before she had a chance to hear the explosion of the rifle. _

_All went silent except the lingering echo of the gunshot off in the distance. Dean looked over at the bloody heap lying motionless to the right of the now morphed, dead female body. The sight would be etched in his mind forever. He held his breath as he dropped his weapon and frantically made his way to his fallen brother. Only after he felt the rise and fall of his little brother's torn chest beneath his searching hands as they ghosted over his blood soaked sibling, did he dare to breathe. _

_Sam's body was trembling as he began stirring to consciousness. He moaned out his brother's name, begging to know if his older sibling was alright, if the werewolves were dead, and finally, if he was gonna make it. Dean answered all his questions affirmatively, especially the last one, as he attempted to wrap his brother's bleeding wounds in the clothing he could pull off his own back . He finally attempted to get Sam on his feet amidst his gasps, waves of dizziness, and whimpered cries. _

_The struggle just to make it back to the car was unbearable. Sam had tried his best to keep putting one foot in front of the other as Dean had coached and encouraged him to do, but finally his suffering body, too overwhelmed with blood loss and trauma, painfully collapsed in his brother's bare arms, almost a full mile short of their goal. Dean had to drag him the rest of the way as his unconscious sibling's wounds slowly oozed out his life as they went. After sixty two stitches, days and days of worry and lots of hovering, Dean had managed to nurse Sam back to health. The only threat to Sam's health that lingered for weeks was the threat of what Dean would do to him if he ever did anything like that again. _

Sam had saved Dean's life and taken one hell of an attack on himself to do it. Dean winced at the thought of the bloody mess his brother had been.

He glanced once again at the crumbing little motel as it casted its dinky shadow across the pot-holed parking lot in the late afternoon sun. A few people had come and gone but there was still no sign of Sam, and Dean began to grow restless. He never was one for waiting and the thought of Sam, sick or injured inside his motel room, alone, troubled him to the point of action.

He flipped the handle of his driver's side door and shoved it open. It moaned and creaked, but finally obliged. His stiff body moaned and creaked along with it as he straightened himself out and headed towards the trunk to grab the first aid kit in case he would need it. He'd stop by the office and then, if he had no luck, he would ring Sam's cell phone over and over and listen at each door to figure out which one his sibling was suffering behind. He knew Sam wouldn't answer..he'd tried that route probably forty times before, but he was certain Sam would never shut it off, use it to screen out Dean's call, yes, but completely shut himself off from his brother, no. Sam would always want to know if Dean really needed him and knew the cell phone was the only way Dean could let him know.

He stopped suddenly by the rear bumper.

Maybe Sam was just inside watching TV? No injuries, no sickness, just glued to the tube. He supposed it was a possibility, especially now that big brother wasn't around to walk in on him. Dean smirked as he remembered walking in on Sam and The Skin Channel a few weeks back. Actually, porn was not Sam's style. The way he figured it, Sam had the cleanest mind around. If he was gonna "be" with a girl…he was gonna marry her and Dean admired him for that, though he would never admit it. Jessica was proof. Sam had been shopping for rings before she was ...taken. That morning, the poor kid was probably just channel surfing and got curious…then caught…every teen's nightmare, but for Sammy…it came a little bit later in life. God, he loved Sam's innocence and laughed at the humiliation Sam must have felt when he walked in.

Dean stood pressed against the Impala as a car swooshed past him a bit too closely. He began to relax as the thought of Sam watching TV was much more appealing than the previous one...where his brother lay injured or sick in a stinkin run down motel in the middle of nowheresville.

Truth was...it made sense. Television had actually been oddly therapeutic for Sam as he was growing up. His brother was empathetic and used to gleen emotions off of the thing, trying to thrive on the friendships and relationships, playing out before him on the big screen since he rarely got the opportunity to live in one place long enough to develop his own. It pulled a bit at Dean's heartstrings as he pictured little Sammy watching Happy Days desperately trying to soak up the father/son relationship Mr. Cunningham had with Richie. He used to tease Sam mercilessly about watching such a lame show, but looking back, he could see why it was so important to the kid. Sam longed for normal and somehow the family on TV seemed a lot more 'normal' than his family did.

With the lifestyle they had this past year, always traveling and never staying in one place, Dean had been Sam's anchor, especially in the wake of Jess's death. He filled the relationship void Sam had struggled with, almost being the temporary 'normal' his brother needed to survive, not that their lives were anywhere near normal. Maybe familiar was a better word.

With how things had been going lately with Dean consumed by the loss of his father and the blame he placed on himself, Sam had been… in a way, _alone_, trying to 'deal' with his father's death and his guilt over a relationship that could have been, but was now forever lost. Dean was having trouble filling that void for Sam, hell, he couldn't even get himself out of his own void to walk over to fill Sam's. He'd seen his brother watching more TV than usual recently, but hadn't given much thought to it. Now, he realized. Sam had probably dug up his old habit to help get him through, to feel something, anything normal if you could call anything on TV normal these days.

Not wanting to break down every door of the poorly kept motel with the first aid kit in his hand only to have the police arrest him for disturbing the peace while his brother sat unaware watching TV in the last room that he never made it to, Dean made his way back to his seat and resumed his vigil. His wet clothes stuck to him as he walked and felt absolutely disgusting trapped between his body and the leather seat. Sam was perfectly fine. There was no reason to think otherwise. If something was wrong, he was pretty sure Sam would have called him. Dean tried to rationalize his fears away with the TV theory and it seemed to be working. The best strategy right now was to sit and wait…well at least for a few more minutes...

oooOOOooo

Dean startled awake suddenly as a delivery truck rumbled by, wafting what felt like the hot breath of a full grown bearwolf across Dean's sweat drenched body. Normally he would have found something sarcastic to say about it, but it did offer at least a bit of relief as some of the water droplets on his skin caught a ride, giving him a sense of coolness, though his body could barely detect any change. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but the heat, hunger, and lack of sleep was wearing heavily on him.

His eyes desperately searched the motel property across the street as he wiped his tired face with his hand. Nothing had changed. He hoped he hadn't missed anything, missed Sam. Judging by the location of the sun in the sky, he hadn't been dozing for long. The hunter side of him would have woken him had anything happened. He was pretty sure of that even with how tired he was.

Still nothing...still, no Sam. Dean grumbled. He couldn't _stand_ the waiting. In fact, he was _never_ good at waiting unless, of course, he had a little geeky brother to pester. Dean smiled. Over the years he had created quite a bag of tricks to torment Sam with...anything from annoying sounds to utterly embarrassing stuff just to irritate or make his little brother blush or squirm. Dean smiled as he remembered one incident that still cracked him up every time he remembered it.

_He and Sam had been out in public. Sam was researching quietly at the library and Dean was waiting for him at the local diner. Growing bored, Dean decided to hurry up the process by taking full advantage of the walkie talkies they each had been carrying since Sam had lost his cell phone on a hunt just a few days earlier. _

_Dean imagined his geeky little brother scanning articles in some quiet little corner trying to go unnoticed. Trying to choose the exact moment he thought he could inflict the most damage, Dean barked into the radio with a very Spanish accent. "Hey, Look'a me! I'm a good lookin guy!" His voice shattered the peaceful, almost reverent setting of the quiet library. _

_Heads began turning in Sam's direction as he desperately fumbled with the damn thing in his pocket trying to turn it off as Dean droned on. "I wear leopard underwear. I wear leopard underwear" he continued in a sing song-y way._

_Sam had finally shut the thing off amidst stares from all directions and exited the library as if it were on fire. Dean could still see the red hue to his little brother's face in his mind as Sammy aproached from clear across the street through the diner window. The kid was furious! It took Dean almost two hours to get Sam to say anything to him and even then, everything was spoken through clenched teeth. Sam didn't hold his head up high until they left the town far behind in the rearview mirror the next day._

Yeah, waiting was okay if you had a little brother around. But, otherwise...it was crap. Dean shook his head. _God, he missed Sammy_.

oooOOOooo

One hour later and a few degrees hotter, Dean was growing irritable. This time, it wasn't so much the waiting or the heat or even the soreness of his body that was making him feel that way. It was more the anxiety building inside of him...of not knowing how Sam would react when his little brother saw him. Would he be angry? Maybe even bolt if he approached him? Could his coming... further frustrate an already precarious situation. Even if he were given the chance to _talk_ with Sam, would Dean be able to convince his little brother to rethink his choice.

He glanced at his watch. Damn. 4:12 pm. Where the hell was he?

Suddenly a thought hit him. Sam could have taken off _before_ he even got there? "_Crap_!" A wave of worry suddenly washed over him again. He had gotten there just after 7 a.m. and assumed his arrival was early enough. But, Sam _could_ have gotten something to eat and gone on his way by then. He wondered if this nothing town had a library. His geeky brother could be there, lost in some old book that promised some ridiculous scheme on how to ward off demons. It was amazing how much crap got published about that stuff, none of which was anywhere near accurate.

_Damn_. What if the demon had gotten to Sam? Another wave of worry washed over him, this one much more powerful than the first. "_Nothing bad will happen to you as long as I'm around._" Dean's words surfaced and he swallowed hard. He hadn't been around….not just since Sam left, but really ever since Dad had died.

Dean regretted that he hadn't offered Sam much in the relationship department lately, in fact, if any thing, he'd been the cause of a lot of heart ache for Sam. He'd seen it in his brother's expressions knowing full well their meanings. He knew how Sam thought, what he feared, what he valued most. He even knew his sighs, the ones that meant he was tired, worried, frustrated, or just feeling hopeless. Sam was feeling disconnected, separated from Dean. Dean knew it, but felt helpless to offer his brother much of anything, trying himself, to just get through the day…one day at a time. For the past few months, since Dad died, Sammy had been crying out to him in every way, longing to understand his hurting brother and be understood.

Instead, Dean had watched, helplessly unable to deal with his own torment, as his words and walls slowly destroyed the kid. "_Go ahead, take a swing, if it will make you feel any better_" Sam's words echoed in Dean's mind and heart. _Damn._ How could he have let it get to that point? He berated himself, knowing he had added to his brother's burdens, taking his pain out on his also mourning younger sibling.

His 'sorry', though sincere hadn't relieved the burden of guilt he still carried for how he'd treated Sammy. _Damn._ He had hit the kid, for God's sake, sucker punched him square in the face..for what?…because he'd dared to reach into his older brother's flooding world and attempted to throw him a life preserver? Yeah, the inner tube was a bit spiked, but the intention was never in question. Sam would never do anything intentional to hurt him and he knew it. _Shit,_ then he'd told him he didn't want him around when he headed to a local bar for a beer. "_Alone_" He shook his head ever so slightly and frowned as he recalled Sam's face... devastated, despairing, and hopeless. He felt like crap….again.

Sam had been his rock through it all and kept coming back for more. He had been a faithful brother and best friend, sticking with him and beside him all the way. "_Guess, I'll have to hang around and be a pain in the ass, then_" Sam's words replayed in his head. Dean hated himself. Sam had really been there for him and his brother had been hurting too, inside where the wounds were hard to detect. "_Too little too late_," God, the pain in his little brother's eyes when he said that. "_We've lost Dad, we've lost Mom, I've lost Jessica…and now I'm gonna lose you too_?" Dean knew Sam's sadness, felt it himself as he watched his younger sibling suffer as he was bombarded with loss after loss…of a mother, a loved one, a normal life, a father.

Sam had left, walked away with no forwarding address. His leaving was his attempt to protect Dean because he feared that he would lose him one day too and what's worse…he felt it would be his fault.

In this last hunt, though they hadn't really talked about it much, Sam blamed himself. Dean had cut him off trying to alleviate his brother's guilty feelings by ending the conversation. But it had had the opposite affect. Sam had finished the conversation in his head and concluded he would do whatever it would take, including walking away, if he believed it would save his older brother's life. He would throw his own life down, risk being wide open, practically demon food, for his brother's sake.

It was something Dean could _never_ allow him to do. If anyone was going to go down in this battle against evil, it would be Dean, not Sammy. Dean had known this all along. It was accepted, almost expected, as if part of his job description and Dean was fully prepared to meet all the requirements, hell, he'd established the requirements 23 years earlier. If it came down to it, Dean would die for Sam. But Sammy? Giving his life up for Dean? It was never an option nor would it ever be. That was for damn sure.

Dean swallowed the last bit of sludge in the bottom of the soda bottle and tossed it into the back seat where it joined the pile of other discarded food containers. Everything inside of him wanted to run across the street and pound on every door until he found his brother. Half of him was furious that Sam had gone off and left him. It was foolish and reckless. He could get himself killed, for God sake, with the demon on the prowl. The other half of him was scared to death that he wouldn't be able to convince his thick headed sibling that they needed to be together.

What could he possibly say to convince Sam. They belonged on this journey together, no matter what the outcome. It wasn't a path they had chosen 23 years ago, but it was a path they were set on and it was one they were destined to walk together. Sam's fear of something happening to Dean, to be specific, his dying, on this quest for answers caused the youngest brother to run away. What Sam didn't get was that without Sam, Dean was already dead. Dean knew it and he somehow had to convince Sam of it too.

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Thanks for reading! Please let me know what ya thought! Don't be shy...just reply! Rachelly

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_Author's Note for the curious_: The next chapter goes into the hunt and what happened to cause Sam to leave. I wanted to work through a few issues from season 2 in this chapter…before we got there. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Dear friends in Fanfic land, I'm soooo sorry this is late in coming to you. I have been begging the Fan Fic Fairy to let me post for the past 5 days! The bad news is that you had to wait and I had to load it as text and reformat the whole thing. The good news is that it gave me lots of extra time to refine this chapter. I sure hope it was worth the wait! I really tried to make it worth your while. Enjoy Rachelly

**Chapter 3**

It had been almost nine hours since Dean began his stake out across the street from the Lake Front Motel, waiting for his runaway brother to emerge from one of the many closed doors he suspected he was hiding behind. His wait had been frustratingly unfruitful and his patience and hopefulness were starting to wane.

Boredom had clearly over taken the eldest Winchester as he'd spent the day stuck inside his head and his beloved, though totally trashed Impala, slowly baking to death. He had already memorized the names of the small shops that dotted the street to his right and was even starting to recognize the faces of the shoppers as they came and went from each store.

With nothing else to do, he began giving the passers by names of car models based on their appearances, the way they moved, or overall physical demeanors. A rather striking person of the female persuasion walked casually by with a tight skirt, high heels, and an extremely low cut sleeveless shirt. Diamond jewelry fashionably decorated both of her slender wrists and dangled from her almost perfect earlobes. "Cuda….definitely Cuda", he labeled her, forming a crooked smile across his almost drooling lips as he remembered the car's attractive and rather stylish front with partially hidden headlights.

Renaming people was a mindless game he and Sam had played as kids when they were bored, stuck in their dad's car for hours on end, waiting for him to finish whatever it was that he was doing. In the game, Dean always got to pick the category of names to choose from, claiming it was his God given right as the oldest, much to Sam's dismay. Dean smiled to himself as he began to remember one game in particular...

_Flashback _

_"The category is..."  
_

_Sammy waited eagerly for Dean's choice, hoping it would be something easy so he could maybe win.  
_

_"…….cars!" Dean declared with a Cheshire cat grin, knowing full well what his little brother's reaction would be. He constantly beat Sam when it came to cars. The youngest Winchester had absolutely no interest in car makes or models, much to Dean's horror and so he truly felt it was his calling to torture his little brother about it.  
_

_"Cars…. again? Dean, you know I don't do so good with cars" the kindergartener complained. "Can't we do dogs or candy?" he pleaded, looking hopefully up at his big brother. _

_Sammy's sappy look almost made Dean surrender, but, as big brothers often do, he just couldn't resist getting one up on his smart little brother and hoped to push the kid into learning them even if he had to use his pride to get him to_

_"Cars" Dean stated flatly with a glint in his eyes.  
_

_"Ah, maaaaan" Sam whined checking to see if it really was Dean's final word on the subject. _

_Dean just smiled smuggly back._

_Sam knew he had only two choices: quit or play. He was too stubborn to quit so, as he saw it, his only option was to play. "Okay" he exhaled frustratingly.  
_

_"Tell ya what. I'll let you go first" Dean offered pretending to be generous, but clearly setting his younger brother up. "And you can't say Imala, Sammy. Nobody looks like an Impala... I don't care what you say"  
_

_Sammy frowned and began looking out the window. His interested eyes flashed right and left while his mind tried desperately to remember one of the names Dean had used the last time they had "played"…if you could call it that. Sam had lost on his first turn. It began with a "D"…. or was it a "P". He just couldn't remember.  
_

_Finally, a tall, graceful woman with a floppy hat and lots of packages passed in front of the car window on her way to somewhere important. Her hat and skirt were white and her shirt was yellow with a pretty flower on the front of it. Sam thought she was absolutely bea-utiful.  
_

_Sam looked hesitatingly at Dean and tried to recall the name his brother had used to describe another woman Dean had thought was absolutely amazing, though Sam clearly preferred this woman. She looked like a nice mom to him. _

_"P…Por…" he began as he slowly started to recall part of the name he had heard his brother use. He blinked and glanced up, looking to Dean for a little help.  
_

_None came as Dean teasingly cocked his head and raised his eyebrows watching his little brother struggle to form the word in his little mouth.  
_

_"….Por-ch?" he fearfully put forward, then quickly added an "a" on the end to make it sound more like a girls name.  
_

_Dean laughed out loud and began rolling around in the back seat hooting and howling. " Porch-a????!!!" he repeated amused as all get out that his little brother had actually come close to a car name and yet still managed to completely slaughter it.  
_

_Sam regretted he had ever agreed to the stupid game in the first place as he watched his brother tease him mercilessly.  
_

_"You mean Porsche, Sammy. A porch is **definitely** not a car… with or without the extra… **a**….added!" Dean continued his hysterical laughter to the point of tears. "You lose…**a**-gain" he couldn't help but point out. "Better luck next time, squirt"  
_

_Sam stiffened his lips and began arguing in his own defense. "S'what I meant!" he hollered. "Porsche…I meant Porsche!"  
_

_Dean's smile softened as he realized he had carried it a bit too far and hurt his little brother's feelings. Somehow the thrill of besting the kid had suddenly lost its appeal. _

_"She does look like she would enjoy sitting on a porch sipping lemonade, Sammy," he added looking over to see if his brother was receiving his gesture of kindness and apology. Sam nodded his head, growing hopeful that his brother was starting to see things his way. Dean truly tried to be nice, but Sam was such an easy target... he just couldn't resist, "…but you definitely can't **drive **a porch" he added as laughter consumed him once again. "Porch-a! You crack me up, Sammy" he snickered and snorted for what seemed like forever.  
_

_Dean remembered his father's return to the car shortly after. He had glanced at the two boys, surprised to see Sammy sulking in the back and Dean smiling devilishly, looking like the cat that ate the canary. What Dean didn't realize was that Sam was not really sulking; he was plotting. _

_The very next day, the little geek had snaked a book of car makes and models from the school library, unbeknownst to Dean, and lured him into a match. Needless to say, Sam beat Dean at his own game, much to Sam's delight and Dean's regret. How the hell the kid remembered the Caballero was an American Motors car from 1980 to 1987 was beyond him.  
_

_Even though he lost, Dean was partially pleased that Sam had finally entered his world of cars. As a reward, Dean decided Sam had earned the right to pick the categories….every once in a while…for a day or two. He retook his right to rule when Sam picked the elements of the Periodic Table as his category. _

_Dean remembered thinking he would never give the kid another choice as long as they were brothers, which was basically for the rest of his little brother's life.  
_

….a choice…the words hung heavily in his mind as he glanced over towards the motel checking to see if anything had happened since his last look a few minutes earlier. Sam had a right to make _this_ choice, to go off on his own, separate from his older brother, but Dean had a choice too, which was exactly why he was sitting outside the crappy little motel in this shitty little town on the hottest freakin' day of the year in the first place. He was choosing to undo Sam's choice. It was that simple.

oooOOOooo

The sound of an opening door caught Dean's attention and he immediately turned to check out the motel sitting across the street opposite him. One of the doors on the far end had been opened. His eyes strained to see inside the unlit room, to see if it was his brother who was just behind the door. A van breezed by temporarily blocking his vision and Dean craned his neck to see past it. His great anticipation was dashed as he saw a woman and man emerge from the room, turn to lock the door, and head on down to the office or hotel restaurant probably for a late lunch.

Disappointed, Dean sunk back down in his seat and looked forward. He was tired of waiting, sick of head games, and growing worried about his brother. The thought of trying to figure out which person on the street would be renamed DeLoreon depressed him…no one in this God forsaken town even _looked _scientific _or_ inventive. If they had, they probably would have packed their bags and left years ago.

The pressure of the leather seat on his injured back caused a wave of pain to travel through him. He winced slightly and readjusted his position. The memory of getting the injuries which prompted his little brother to leave flashed through his mind...

_Flashback _

_They had been on a hunt in northern Nebraska. Ethan Holmes, the beloved and only son of Ethel Homes, had died unexpectedly of a heart attack less than a week earlier. The grieving mother decided it was better to bring back her dearly departed son rather than deal with his passing and had rationalized necromancy as the way to do it. _

_The once kind hearted, gentle philanthropist had returned vengeful upon discovering that his "heart attack" had been orchestrated by his wife and older brother, a cardiologist at the local community hospital. Ethan discovered, less than a week after his death, his wife had turned to his older brother and best friend in more than a familial way. Having found them in the bedroom of his newly purchased dream home, Ethan realized they had been together prior and ,in fact, had planned his demise so that they would be free to pursue a more permanent relationship as husband and wife once the dust had settled……….on his grave, that is. The betrayal had morphed mild mannered Ethan into a spiteful and murderous Zombie.  
_

Dean smiled for a moment as his thoughts returned to the present. Why did he and his brother always get the zombies that were avenging a stolen love? If it wasn't the adulterous husband or wife, it was the cheating girlfriend or boyfriend. He hated those cases…their stories almost seemed like they belonged on daytime TV and he hated daytime TV. He could think of so many more interesting revenge stories that would provoke the kindest undead person to become a wacked out murderous zombie, but no, it was always the relationship triangle crap.

He grumbled to himself and glanced over to the hotel for the seemingly hundredth time, checked his watch and decided he'd wait one more hour and then approach the hotel manager. At least if he found out what room his brother was hiding out in, he could be more specific in his watching. His thoughts returned to why his brother was hiding in the first place…the hunt.

_Ethan had already killed his wife and was soon to kill his brother when Sam and Dean planned his return to death, where he'd been summoned from. The plan was simple and familiar having been executed successfully over a handful of times before: lure the zombie into the graveyard and stake him to his coffin. The lure had been established, the grave was dug, the coffin open. Dean was the bait this time, much to Sam's delight, since his older brother had always made him the bait in the past, although he couldn't help but wonder if breaking his wrist last time hadn't factored in to Dean's decision to switch roles. Either way, Sam was the one to stake it, and Dean was the bait._

_Dean had his gun readied. Sam had the stake tightly grasped in one hand, his weapon in the other. They waited in the darkness as the cool morning mist lay heavily across the graveyard. A noise was heard off in the distance and Dean moved out. Sam crouched ready behind a grove of bushes near the tomb just as planned. It almost felt like a well rehearsed play where the curtain had just gone up. Dean would soon pass in front of Sam and dive to the ground leaving an open path for Sam to shoot the thing into its grave and stake it._

_It wasn't long before Dean came bolting out of the woods heading straight for the open casket with Ethan full speed behind him. He dropped to the ground just short of the rectangular hole and the zombie pounced on him from behind. Dean felt strong hands begin to pummel him as he waited for the shots…… that never came._

_Not wanting to reveal his brother's presence nor give his position away to make him become zombie food, Dean refused to call out and instead, attempted to roll over, hoping to toss the vicious creature aside making it an easier target for Sam. But it was impossible. Ethan, fully enraged, was far too powerful and continued his savage attack on his captured prey._

_Dean finally hollered out in pain for his brother to make his move regardless of whether his shot might clip his older sibling in the process. If Sam didn't do something soon, it wouldn't matter anyways. He again waited for the shot, but got no response. It was then that panic struck him full force._

_Something was wrong. He was in serious trouble, of that he was convinced, but his fear turned towards his younger brother… maybe Sam was in trouble, too. Dean attempted to roll over again, but the full weight of the infuriated man was upon him. He was trapped receiving blow after blow, mercilessly and relentlessly. A snap sent shooting pains across his back and around his side as one of his ribs gave way. His head was cruelly grabbed and slammed against the unforgiving ground. A wave of dizziness assaulted him and he feared his world would soon go dark. All Dean could think about was Sam, and if he was alright and how he would be able to defend himself when the damn thing finished pummeling him into unconsciousness or death._

_Suddenly, the long awaited shot rang out, then another and another. The zombie's body jerked and rose to face its attacker. Dean scrambled to the side and stumbled to his feet. Another shot rang out. The zombie was forced back by the impact of the bullets towards the coffin now only a few feet away._

_Dean's eyes went immediately to Sam and he took in his brother's plight. Sam was swaying curled into himself, stumbling like a drunkard, trying desperately to steady his hand enough to get off another shot. His left hand, fisted around the stake, was rubbing against his pain filled temple as he gasped and fought to draw in air and work through the excruciating pain that was assaulting him. Sam's expression was so intense, his suffering so extreme, it gripped Dean's heart and forced him into an utter panic. If he didn't do something soon, his little brother might fall and never get up._

_The tortured hunter, unaware of his brother's anxious gaze, struggled on to get another well placed shot off to save his older brother's life._

_Somehow, a bullet managed to escape the chamber of his gun and meet its mark. The zombie, once again forced backwards by the impact, began to teeter on the edge of the rectangular pit that lay behind it. Knowing that it wouldn't be long before Sam would totally lose his ability to function, let alone complete the hunt, Dean lunged for the stake and yanked it from his sibling's trembling grasp. He was desperate to finish the hunt and aid his agonized brother. He quickly turned just in time to see the deceased corpse fall backwards into the coffin and he threw himself in after it. Moments later, Ethan Holmes was staked and resting in peace…permanently._

_oooOOOooo_

_Dean immediately looked up._

_"Sammy? You alright?" the worried hunter called out from inside the tomb as he frantically scrambled to get out of it._

_Sam lay on the ground in the fetal position, rocking with clenched fists pressed against both sides of his head._

_"SAM!" Dean shouted as he threw himself to the ground beside his fallen brother._

_Sam was shaking uncontrollably and there seemed to be no sign of a reprieve. He didn't respond to his name, nor did he make any comments as he had in the past._

_"Damn it Sam, talk to me"_

_"ahhhhh…" Sam cried out, continuing to curl in on himself gasping and wincing._

_The pain was clearly getting worse and Sam began banging his head on the ground as if trying desperately to relieve it. Dean cradled his brother's head in his hands trying to keep him from hurting himself and attempted to uncurl his little brother's body to see what was wrong._

_"Is it a vision?" he questioned frantically, overwhelmed by the degree of its intensity if it were._

_"Sammy?"_

_Dean desperately tried to steady his brother and help him ride out the pain._

_Sam cried out again and blood began dripping from his nose._

_"Shit… Sam, what can I do?" Dean begged as he swept his hand across his face. "Tell me, please! How can I help?"_

_His bloodied brother remained curled and unresponsive, writhing on the ground in utter anguish.  
_

_Not knowing what else to do, Dean began lifting his little brother up onto his legs, pulling Sam's back up against his chest. He tried to wrap his arms around his suffering sibling and steady his shaking._

_The pain continued to escalate and Sam began to convulse. _

_Dean placed the palm of his hand against Sam's forehead and gently pulled his brother's head against his shoulder, attempting to brace him and keep him from further injury. He rested his own head on top. __Sam jerked violently beneath his brother's firm grip. No sound escaped his lips, not even a cry. _

_Dean felt each shock as it passed through his little brother's body as if it were his own. His cracked ribs complained, but he struggled to maintain his focus so he could continue to help his suffering sibling. A panic like he'd never known before overwhelmed him as he held his brother's life in his hands, not knowing if it was slipping away or going to be recovered._

_Tears began to make their way down the sides of his cheeks. Dean looked up to the starlit sky. "Please…..God…. let this be over" Dean begged to anyone who might be listening and have a kind heart for his little brother. "Please" his cracked voice pleaded as he held his brother tightly and began rocking with him. His tears dripped down on to his brother's brown hair. _

_He looked back down at his anguished sibling, rested his head once again on his hair, and helplessly, waited for the seizure or whatever the hell it was to end._

_Dean remained in the dark on the graveyard floor for what seemed like an eternity, holding tightly on to his suffering sibling. __Tremor after tremor he waited, wondering if it might be Sam's last, whether this would end well or just end._

_Whether it was a miracle or simply an answer to his heart's plea, Dean felt Sam's convulsions begin to slow. The rapid, uncontrollable jerking gave way to tremors which were much less intense._

_"Easy, Sammy, shhhhh" Dean cooed hoping that maybe the sound of his voice might somehow help his brother find his way back._

_The tremors slowly dissolved into mild shaking. Dean began to relax his hold allowing his little brother the ability to feel more comfortable in his gentle grasp._

_"Sammy, ya with me?" he whispered in his brother's ear. " Huh? You with me?" Dean questioned, desperate to get some kind of response, anything to indicate his brother was coming around._

_Sam's mild shaking slowly surrendered to a gentle shiver._

_"C'mon, man, please... give me a sign, little brother..." he pleaded gently rubbing his brother's arm hoping that the warmth it produced would further quiet Sam's shudders. _

_His younger brother continued to quiver and remain unresponsive. A wet sheen covered his face as if fevered. Dean worried that his sibling's stilling might not be the reprieve he had hoped for, but the foretelling of the final outcome of a war Sam was losing, in his battle with whatever it was that had been claiming him._

_"Sam? You hearin' me?" he begged with tears in eyes waiting, wondering and fearing the worst._

_Sam stirred slightly._

_Dean lifted his chin from the top of his sibling's head and his hand from Sam's forehead and tried to get a look at him._

_"Sammy?"_

_Sam attempted to speak, but his words were jumbled. It scared the shit out of Dean._

_"What? I-I didn't get that, Sammy. Tell me again. What did you say?"_

_Sam moaned, but no words followed._

_Dean felt his brother's shivering body suddenly relax… and then go limp.  
_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
tbc…

A cliffy…I know…sorry….I'll have the next one up soon if the Fan Fic Fairy will smile on me! So…..the big question……..was it worth the wait? Please let me know! I'd love your input!  
Keep reading and reviewing! Rachelly


	4. Chapter 4

**Previously: **

_Sammy?"_

_Sam attempted to speak, but his words were jumbled. It scared the shit out of Dean._

_"What? I-I didn't get that. Tell me again, Sam. What did you say?"_

_Sam moaned, but no words followed._

_Dean felt his brother's shivering body suddenly relax… and then go limp._

snsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnnsnnsnsnsnsnsnnsnsnsnsnsnsnsn

_**Chapter 4**_

"_Sam!" Dean cried out as his younger sibling stilled in his protective arms. _

_Dean __gently laid his brother's lifeless form down, cradling his head and shoulders in his left arm as his right began assessing his unconscious brother's condition. __He placed a hand on his little brother's chest desperately trying to detect any signs of movement. Relief washed over him when he felt the steady rise and fall of Sam's breathing beneath his searching palm. He placed his fingers deep into Sam's neck along his carotid artery and began to monitor his pulse. It was slower than he would have expected, considering the violence of the vision his brother had just endured, but not slow enough to be concerned. As long as it maintained its steady beat beneath his fingertips, Sam should be okay. _

_Finally, he reached inside Sam's jacket to recover his pocket flashlight and checked his little brother's pupils. Both responded to the brightness of the flashlight and appeared equal in size._

_Everything seemed all right…at least from a "going to live" perspective, but still, his little brother remained unconscious for seemingly no apparent reason, and that scared the shit out of him. The convulsions had lasted for almost four minutes and who knows what the hell was happening to him during that time. The fear of brain damage crossed Dean's mind. "Oh, god…" he whispered. _

_He quickly turned his brother's head and desperately tried to rouse him. _

"_Sam...c'mon man, wake up" Dean demanded, frantic to eliminate brain damage from the list of possible outcomes._

_Sam remained motionless and unresponsive._

"_Damn it, Sam, don't do this…..give me a sign, here" Dean tried again, jostling his brother enough to wake a deeply sleeping person, but not enough to harm him._

_Sam's lack of any kind of reaction, to his voice or to movement, began to panic Dean. He needed something...anything...a flutter of an eyelash, a blink, a turn of his head, a moan, anything to indicate his sibling was still with him. Not knowing what else to do, he decided to holler, hoping to shock him enough to get him to respond. _

"_SAM!" _

_Much to his surprise, Sam's eyelids flinched when he yelled. It wasn't much, but to Dean, it was everything._

"_Sam….you hearin me?"__ he whispered gently in his face almost willing his little brother's eyes to open. _

_A small flutter of eyelashes, followed by tiny slits made by sluggish eyelids, gave Dean great encouragement._

"_C'mon, little brother, give me those puppy dog eyes."_

_The tiny slits gave way, revealing beautiful, albeit dulled eyes as they slowly opened. _

"_Hey" Dean offered gently. _

_His barely conscious sibling just stared blankly ahead. __Dean swallowed hard. The empty stare his brother offered him was disheartening. _

_The sluggish eyelids which once held the promise of hope began to lose their strength and shut down to their original slit positions. Soon after, they closed completely. Dean waited for the blink to finish, but the lids never returned to their upright positions._

"No, _Sam!" Dean cried out fearing they were losing what little ground they had made in Sam's war with unconsciousness. _

_"Stay with me, little brother" Dean coached as he gently shook his sibling in an attempt to bring him back. "C'mon, man, open your eyes."_

_Fearful that he may have seen his brother's eyes for the last time, he barked out, "Damn it Sam, open eyes!" _

_Sam reopened his eyes and this time, after a bit, focused them on his brother's worried face._

"_Sammy?" Dean softly questioned trying to get a response._

_Sam lay still in his brother's arms as if trying to recognize the word that had been spoken and the face from which it came._

_Dean waited anxiously as his brother's confused look frightened him._

"_Hey" Dean beckoned tenderly._

"_Hey" Sam finally whispered as he blinked up at his older brother._

_It was the sweetest sound he had ever heard. "You okay?" Dean questioned compassionately, wiping the blood away from Sam's upper lip with his thumb. It ended up smearing down across his cheek._

_Sam awkwardly raised his hand to his head and began rubbing his temple. "god" he gasped out in distress. His movements were sluggish and somewhat uncontrolled._

_Dean's worried look beckoned for Sam to say more. He tried to oblige, but his head was still spinning, and forming a response required a coherent thought which, at the moment, he was completely out of._

"_Sammy, you okay?" Dean persisted needing to know that his sibling was not going into another round of whatever the hell he had just completed._

_Dean waited holding his breath, desperately needing his brother's verbal response to set his mind in the direction of ease, not that it would arrive at ease for many more hours after what had happened._

"_mmmmokay" Sam slurred._

_Dean nodded as relief began to relax the muscles in his face and body. He gently moved his brother to his chest and embraced him._

_Sam was moved by the unexpected gesture and welcomed it. He felt himself relax in his brother's caring embrace. He hadn't enjoyed a hug from his big brother for years now, but it felt familiar and still offered him that same 'safe' feeling it had when he was little. _

_A twinge of pain joined the dull ache his head had been trying to get used to and __he attempted to massage his temple again, which of course did not go unnoticed by a certain overprotective big brother._

_"What?" Dean questioned with concern as he released his brother from his embrace to look at him._

_"mmmy head hurts" _

"_Why am I not surprised," Dean quipped, taking a deep breath, glancing away, and returning his gaze back to his brother still lying in his arms. "Damn, Sammy. You scared the shit out of me!" _

_It came out accusingly and Dean tensed as soon as he spoke it. _

"_Ssssorry" Sam offered weakly attempting to right himself. He swayed with the movement and ended up back in Dean's lap._

"_Easy, Tiger. Let's take it slow, okay? Just relax for a minute." He suggested as he patted his brother's chest._

_Dean took in Sam's condition again. The kid looked like hell, like he was suffering from some horrible disease. His face was pale and sweat covered. He was as weak as a kitten and looked like he hadn't slept in years. The blood beneath his nose made him look like he'd gone a couple of rounds with a great white and lost. Dean was seriously unnerved by the whole incident and the effect it still had on Sam…the sluggishness, the uncoordinated movements, the inability to speak clearly…He was glad as hell that it had passed, but still freaked out that it had happened in the first place and that his brother had not yet returned a hundred percent as he had in the past._

_The two remained on the ground a bit longer... Dean waiting for Sam to gain his strength and become more coherent… Sam feeling so drained that he lacked the desire to do anything else. Dean rechecked Sam's pulse which thumped steadily at a much more normal rate. He was surprised his little brother didn't give him any grief for doing it. Normally, Sam would have pushed him away, but he recognized nothing was quite normal, yet._

oooOOOooo

_Finally wanting to get up off the damp graveyard floor as it drained him of what little warmth he felt he had left, Sam attempted to right himself again._

"_What's the hurry" Dean questioned figuring it was still too soon for Sam to be moving._

"_I'm cold" Sam replied clearly with his lower lip jutted out, playfully trying to evoke sympathy from his older brother._

_Dean smiled. He knew **that** look. Sam used it on him all the time to get his way when he was a kid._

"_Yeah, okay…. sure. Let's get you up," he agreed placing his hands gently on Sam's shoulders to move him back just a bit so he could wriggle out from under him. He stood up and reached down extending his hand to his little brother._

_Sam eyed his brother's outstretched hand and decided now wasn't the time to be proud. He grasped it firmly, glad to have the assistance._

_As he pulled his brother up, Dean placed his other hand behind his brother's back just in case Sam wasn't quite as ready to be moving around as he thought he was._

_Dean had to steady Sam a little bit, but overall his kid brother did well and Dean was pleased. He hovered for a moment just in case Sam needed him, but the moment passed uneventful._

"_You sure you're okay?" he felt the urge to ask one last time before moving to clean up after the hunt._

"_Yeah" Sam sighed nodding his head and letting out a deep breath._

_oooOOOooo _

_Fully righted and having been steadied by his older sibling, Sam took in his surroundings. "What happened?" Sam asked curiously, realizing the zombie was nowhere in site and knowing he hadn't staked it yet._

"_What happened?!"… "You decided to have one hell of a…a….whatever the hell it was just after Ethan decided to kill me… is what happened" Dean's fear had clearly been his concern that something horrible had just happened to Sam, but somehow his words came out with more of a focus on his nearly getting killed._

"_Sorry," Sam offered apologetically looking over at his brother and taking in his appearance for the first time. His brother's lip and nose were bloodied and his forehead was developing one hell of a goose egg. _

"_Damn_,_ Dean. Man are you okay?" Sam questioned as he reached his hand out to check his brother's injuries. "How badly did he hurt you?" _

_Dean pulled away ,embarrassed by his brother's attention and hopeful his brother wouldn't touch his beaten back. "I'm fine, Sam."_

_Knowing Dean was often too quick to overlook his own injuries, focusing solely on Sam's, he looked his brother over and ,in the moonlight, it appeared that he was telling the truth. Sam rechecked his older brother's eyes. If there was any deceit in his brother, it usually revealed itself in his eyes. Sam could detect none._

_Dean raised his eyebrows questioningly as he tried to cover up the truth. "Okay?"_

"_Yeah, okay"_

_Relieved, Sam continued. "Did you stake him?" he questioned wanting to be sure the threat was over and the hunt was done._

"_Yep" Dean announced proudly with a glint in his eye as he glanced over to the grave._

_Sam walked over, looked down at the dead body staked to its coffin, then paused as the events slowly sunk in. "Damn, Dean, I'm sorry, man. I..I could have gotten you killed." Sam apologized as he realized the situation he had unintentionally put his brother in._

_Dean recognized Sam was going to overwhelm himself with guilt and he had no intention of letting his little brother feel guilty for what he had no control over._

"_No way, little brother, you got him to the coffin, just as planned" he credited his younger sibling. "All I had to do was push in the stake. It was nothing." _

"_Yeah, I can see that" Sam replied sarcastically looking at his brother's bloodied face. He pinched the bridge of his nose trying to ease a bit of the painful headache that seemed to be lingering._

_Dean moved to pick up his shovel while he eyed his little brother suspiciously. He knew that look and that gesture. It always followed Sam's visions._

_Sam caught his brother's scrutiny and removed his hand._

_Dean knew they needed to talk about it and now was as good a time as any._

"_So…. what was that...( Dean gestured to the ground where he and Sam had been lying only moments ago) ... about?... It must have been one hell of a movie, a full length feature, that's for sure."_

_Sam detected Dean's sarcasm and concern as his older sibling once again looked him over._

"_I'm good, Dean. Really. You don't need to keep checking me out. I'm fine." the younger Winchester reassured._

"_The **hell** I don't! Sam, you were out of it for a long while. Your nose was bleeding and you were convulsing, for God's sake! Whatever the hell it was…it wasn't good" Dean recounted the events painfully. His voice was laced with concern._

_Sam was a bit surprised by his older brother's strong reaction, but quickly realized the reason._ "_You were worried" Sam smiled as he translated his emotionally non-expressive sibling's words._

"_Hell, yes." Dean admitted, partially embarrassed that his feelings were out in the open. "And if you do that again, I'll give you a bloody nose myself" he groused._

_Sam smiled appreciating his brother's caring, even if it was delivered somewhat harshly. The boys moved towards the grave._

"_We need to clean this mess up before sunrise. You okay to do this?" Dean asked sincerely._

"_Yeah" Sam nodded and picked up a shovel. His head still throbbed, but the pain was manageable. He did feel excessively tired and planned on hitting the pillow as soon as they got back to the hotel._

_Dean jumped in and closed the coffin. He grimaced as his clothing pulled cruelly across his damaged back. Concerned that his brother might detect his injuries, he began a conversation to distract him. _

"_So?"_

"_So what?" Sam questioned back._

"_So what was your vision about? "Dean asked again as he climbed back out of the coffin._

"_You know it's weird." Sam answered hesitatingly and paused. "I don't remember." _

"_What don't you remember?" Dean smiled at the humor of his statement._

"_Not funny, Dean"_

"_Aw, come on, it's a little funny" he prodded his brother's elbow and smiled._

_Sam nodded. It actually was kinda funny if he thought about it. He and Dean began scooping and tossing the mounded dirt into the hole. Sam had to pause as his weak body couldn't complete the task his heart was willing to perform. Dean noticed, but didn't say anything as he kept scooping. He kept a watchful eye on his little brother._

"_Seriously, I don't remember what it was about. Any of it. Maybe it wasn't a vision at all."_

"_Sam, trust me, I know that look. You definitely had a vision, dude, but it was worse than any you've had so far. It was like…" Dean cleared his throat… " … like you couldn't come out of it."_

_Sam detected Dean's concern and looked directly at his worried brother. "Dean, it hurts like hell, but it always passes" he tried to reassure his brother._

"_Yeah, well," Dean began scooping and filling again… "I sure as hell hope so cuz…" Dean stopped mid sentence and shook his head side to side._

_Sam realized just how scared Dean had been. His brother had believed he might die. Losing his younger brother, especially after losing Dad, would literally kill his older sibling and he felt badly that he had put him through the fear of that._

"_I'm not goin anywhere, okay" Sam offered trying to comfort his sibling._

_Dean began to shovel faster._

"_Dean?"_

"_What!"_

"_Okay?" Sam questioned softly._

"_Yeah, okay. You better not." he added and the boys continued in silence._

_oooOOOooo_

_Within the half hour, Dean had finished filling the hole and begun tamping the freshly shoveled dirt down. Sam never did rejoin his older brother in shoveling. Instead, he had taken a sitting position at the edge of the grave which was very unusual for him. While he continued to improve overall, his excessive exhaustion concerned Dean. After what Sam had been through, it made sense that he would be messed up a bit, but Dean didn't want to take a chance if he needed medical attention._

_After giving the soil a final tap with his hiking boot, Dean collected the guns and shovels and glanced over to his younger brother who still remained seated on the ground. He paused at his side expecting his brother to stand and head towards the car. _

"_Need some help?" Dean offered when his sibling didn't rise to leave. _

"_Nah" Sam replied as he pushed himself up off the ground with his arms._

"_Maybe we should stop by a hospital and get you checked out." Dean offered still not happy about his brother's lack of strength._

_Sam looked up surprised by his brother's offer. The last thing they needed was a hospital visit….questions….paperwork….insurance cards… "I'm just tired is all."_

"Then, l_et's get back to the motel and get you some rest" Dean concluded, trusting his brother's evaluation of his health. _

_Dean's injured back was definitely rebelling after having been imposed upon by the shoveling, and his damaged ribs were making each breath painfully uncomfortable. He welcomed the thought of the rest that awaited him in his bed back at the motel._

_oooOOOOooo_

_Once back, they both dropped their stuff just inside the door. Dean grabbed the medical kit and sat Sam on the bed. He looked his little brother over and after determining his brother was still okay, told him to get washed up and get some sleep. He tossed the medical kit on the chair, and then laid himself stomach down on the bed._

"_We should get you cleaned up" Sam suggested amused that his brother acted like only one of them had been in trouble this hunt. "I should probably check your forehead for stitches and your pupils as well. Do you have a headache?"_

"_Dude, I told you, mmfine. Go wash up. I'm too tired. I'll do it in the mmorning."_

"_Dean" Sam called softly knowing his brother needed tending to. Dean didn't respond. "Dean?"_

_Dean was already snoring in the bed. _

_Sam glanced warmly over at his brother's sleeping form and smiled. He pulled the comforter from his bed and laid it on top of his brother. "I'll wake you in an hour to be sure you're okay" he whispered knowing his words were going unheard. "Then we'll clean you up."_

_oooOOOooo_

_Twenty minutes later, a freshly washed Winchester excited the bathroom in a towel much too small for the size of his large frame, and true to his word, awakened his sleeping sibling._

"_Dude! mmm fine! Let mmme sleep!" The elder sibling grumbled sleepily._

_Sam took that as a definite sign his brother was coherent and decided it would be safe for him to sleep through the night. Glancing over his older brother's facial cuts, he determined his brother wouldn't need stitches after all and, after wrestling with his brother's head and eyes for a few minutes with a flashlight, much to Dean's annoyance, Sam felt his pupils were both equal and reactive. He decided to let his brother sleep through. Dean could deal with his clean up when he took his shower in the morning._

_He threw on some warm comfortable sweats, since he had no comforter to crawl under having given his own to his older brother, and hopped into bed. His headache was completely gone as if it had never occurred. It was weird. The exhaustion had lingered, however and was making it difficult for him to think. It had been one hell of a night and his thoughts migrated to the hunt. _

_His vision tonight could have had disastrous consequences. He knew it all too well. You don't go into a hunt if you can't be at the top of your game. Dad had taught them that and it had always been one of those rules you don't mess around with. If you did, someone could die. With his visions, he could never really be sure if he would be at the top of his game. They came on so fast, so unexpectedly. Tonight, Dean could have gotten seriously hurt or worse…killed! The thought terrified him._

_Still, this was the first time it had ever happened and fortunately, nothing serious resulted from it, though he felt badly Dean had been banged up a bit…..and what were the chances it would ever happen again? Unlikely…but, what if it did? What if it happened again during a hunt and Dean wasn't able to finish the hunt himself when freak boy wigs out at the crucial moment…… The thought frightened Sam to the core._

_Sam's mind bounced back and forth between reason and panic for a bit and then eventually, his exhausted body shut it down, affording the weary hunter some much needed rest._

_tbc _

_Looking forward to your thoughts! Please review if ya can!Rachelly_


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: The flashback continues picking up just after the hunt that incapacitated Sam and injured Dean. Both boys are asleep in their motel. Enjoy

_**Chapter 5 **_

_One sleepy eye opened up, taking in the tacky digital clock on the night stand next to the bed declaring 5:00 a.m. in annoying red numbers. Dean stirred and a world of pain, which he fully expected after Ethan, in zombie form, did a number on his back and ribs, greeted him. Dean deliberately woke early, before Sam, to get washed up. He had no intention of having is little brother see the results of what had happened the night before. _

_Dean made sure Sam was still asleep and quietly crept into the bathroom. He undressed and turned his back towards the mirror. "Shit" he swore softly to himself. His back was a mess of purplish, red and blue bruises and long raised welts. It hurt to breathe and Dean was pretty sure at least two of his ribs were cracked if not broken and would need to be wrapped. _

"_That's just great" Dean grumbled to himself. First of all, it hurt like hell. Secondly, how the heck was he gonna keep it from Sam. He knew his brother would be upset and blame himself if he knew. Dean cursed. He wished he'd brought a change of clothes and the first aid kit into the bathroom with him. Then he could've showered, wrapped himself and dressed before Sam would have even had a chance to notice. _

_He wrapped a towel around his waist and quietly reopened the bathroom door. Dean was glad Sam had left the light on after taking his shower earlier. It made it much easier for Dean to see where he was going and what he was looking for. _

_Sam lay perfectly still facing him with closed eyes. His breathing was steady, indicative of a restful sleep, and for that, Dean was grateful. He snuck over to his duffle and grabbed a change of clothes. Then he carefully removed the medical tape and scissors from the first aid kit and headed back towards the partially opened restroom door pleased that his mission had been successful._

_Suddenly, Dean detected movement behind him and he got that "Oh, shit" feeling in the pit of his stomach._

"_What the hell?" Sam questioned having opened his eyes and seen his brother's back from across the room. "Dean, god, your back!" _

_He was out of his bed and flying towards his brother before Dean even had a chance to turn around and begin some sort of explanation. Sam held his older sibling by the shoulders and examined his back more closely, ghosting over it with shaking fingers._

"_Jeez, Dean. Shit!" Sam cursed as he took in his brother's injuries realizing he was responsible for them. He ran his trembling hands through his long tussled hair. "I'll get some ice. Is anything broken?" he fearfully questioned, grabbing the ice bucket and heading toward the door._

"_No…. I'm fine, Sam!" _

_Sam turned around. "Damn it, Dean! You're not fine! Why didn't you ask me to look at your back? Didn't it hurt last night?" Sam questioned._

"_He got the drop on me, okay? No big deal, Sam! Let it go!" Dean barked worried about his brother's strong reaction._

"_NO BIG DEAL? Dean! Son of a bitch!" he swore to himself. "Have you seen your back? It's a mess!" Sam ranted pacing back and forth between the bed and his wounded brother like a caged tiger. He nervously chewed on his thumbnail. _

"_I'll be fine. Okay!" Dean insisted angrily as his fears were being realized; Sam was blaming himself. _

_Again he tried to convince Sam that he was okay by acting like things were perfectly normal. "I'm gonna get washed up. It'll look a lot better once I get cleaned up."_

_Sam looked shockingly at Dean, amazed at his brother's casual reaction. Dean wasn't surprised or even looking to see what Sam was even talking about. It was as if…..….."You knew" he stated accusingly. "You **knew** it was that bad…and you tried to **hide **it from me??" Sam questioned incredulously. "WHY?"_

"_Cuz I knew you would do this, Sam. Blame yourself!"  
_

"_Damn straight, I blame myself, Dean." Sam covered his mouth with his hand. "Shit! How long was I out of it last night? How long did Ethan beat the crap out of you?!"_

"_Sam…"_

"_Answer the question, Dean, and don't hide anything from me! I want the truth!"_

_Dean didn't know what to say. He looked at his brother's searching, tear filled eyes. If he answered truthfully, he knew Sam would be crushed. If he lied, he'd chance breaking the bond they had formed this past year…trust._

"_What do you want me to say, Sam? You got the bastard into the grave and I staked him. End of story." Dean stated, desperately wanting Sam to be okay with all of this._

"_No!" Sam replied shaking his head. "No, Dean… How long?!"_

_Dean shifted nervously, but didn't answer._

_Sam shook his head and stiffened his lower lip. He turned Dean back around gently with his hands and looked at his back again. Dean squirmed under the scrutiny._

"_Damn" he exhaled defeatedly. "Long enough."_

"_I don't know what to tell you, Sam. I'm fine. Let me get washed up and we can talk more about it if you want. You need to calm down." _

_Dean released Sam's hands as he walked away to take his shower. He silently cursed himself for ever having allowed Sam to see his injuries._

_Dean glanced back as he closed the bathroom door. He saw his younger brother drop to the bed and bury his head in his hands. He wanted to say something…anything to help Sam feel better, but it was obvious his younger sibling was not going to allow himself that luxury. All he thought he could do at that moment was to give the kid time and hope he could let it go. _

_He shut the door and turned on the hot water as he continued his train of thought…_

_He trusted Sam completely with his life, always had, **always **would. His fears weren't for himself in any hunt, they were always for Sam. His little brother needed to understand that. This mishap had changed nothing in Dean's eyes. _

_oooOOOooo_

Flashback continues from Sam's perspective

_In Sam's eyes, this changed everything. Sam lifted his head from his hands and watched silently as his brother closed the bathroom door. He knew there was really nothing he could do to help his brother. The bruises, welts, and most likely broken ribs needed time to heal. They would be painful, but Dean would recover….this time…. _

_Sam became overwhelmed with…next time. He was a liability and his brother would never be safe hunting with him and he knew it. Some day, some where, Dean would get hurt or even worse, killed… because Dean would be counting on him and he would have a vision and be unable to help. Dean would either get killed by his little brother's failure to protect him at just the right moment or Dean would die trying to protect Sam when he became incapacitated. _

_He buried his head in his hands once again. He was a liability and he knew he had to leave before anything worse happened because of him. He had to leave to protect Dean. _

_It wasn't the first time Sam had considered leaving. After the yellow eyed demon cruelly explained the deaths of his mother and Jess as being a result of their being in the way of its plans for him, he had feared his brother would one day be thought of in the same way and be taken out. However, he had stayed feeling that he, Dean, and Dad were stronger as a family if they stayed together, that somehow side by side, the Winchesters were their strongest. _

_But look at what staying together had done…Dad was taken over by the very hideous evil he had been hunting almost his whole adult life, Dean had been brutally tortured, both Dad and Dean had nearly been killed in the car wreck, and now, his presence with his brother had nearly cost Dean his life. The visions were somehow linked to the demon. Of that Sam was sure. Dean would be safest away from Sam, at least until the demon/vision crap was over._

_His heart ached to the point of tears. He knew it would tear his brother apart if he left. Dad had done the same thing to Dean and it had cut him to the core. He couldn't stand the though of putting his brother through that…. _

_But if he stayed, he'd end up getting his brother killed…he was convinced of it… if not by the demon, then by his inability to be relied upon in a hunt. His heart ached as he found himself struggling between two evils….destroy his brother by leaving….or get his brother killed by staying. _

_Sam knew his brother was a survivor. He had learned to come back strong from the most difficult of circumstances. If Sam left, he felt that eventually, in time, Dean would move on from the hurt or at least have the chance to. He would, however, never move on from being killed._

_Though both choices were devastating, Sam simply couldn't be the cause of his brother's death. "You're selfish, you know that?" Dean's hurtful words floated back to his conscious mind. "Maybe I am" Sam spoke aloud with tearful eyes to the bathroom door his brother was showering behind. He wanted his brother to live even more than his brother wanted to live…. And if that was selfish, than yeah, he was selfish. He'd rather be selfish, than get his brother killed._

_oooOOOooo_

_With his mind made up, Sam quickly grabbed his duffle and changed into a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a button down over shirt. He stuffed the rest of his things into his bag and grabbed his wallet and watch from the nightstand. His toiletries were in the bathroom with Dean so he'd have to buy new ones when he got a chance. He slipped on his shoes and his coat and grabbed the car keys so he could get his weapon._

_Sam wished he had the courage to tell his decision to his brother's face, but he knew Dean would never let him go and he knew deep in his heart that he wouldn't be able to walk away from him either. He simply lacked the strength to do it. The only way to save Dean's life was to leave quietly without a confrontation. It hurt like hell to admit it, but he had to hurt his brother to help him. God he hoped Dean would someday understand and forgive him._

_Sam, however, couldn't just leave either. Dean would worry, worry that he had been taken, kidnapped, or worse. At least a note would help Dean realize he was okay._

_But what could he say? No matter what he wrote, Dean would never accept his decision. Explanations could be disputed, reasons, debated. It would have to be something simple and yet clear._

_He mulled the possibilities of what he could write over in his mind as he slipped out the door to the car and retrieved his weapon. _

_Upon his return, Sam paused and listened. When he was positive Dean was still in the shower, Sam scrambled over to the beat up desk barely lit by a tacky yellow light and rummaged through the top drawer until he found a pad of motel stationary and a pen._

_The letter head read Brighton Motel, The Only Place To Be! Sam paused as his eyes began to tear. How ironic that it was the only place Sam felt he couldn't be. _

_After jotting a quick note and carefully placing it on the desk just beneath the lamp by the phone where Dean would be sure to see it, he gathered up his things, slipped out the motel door, and took off. He knew he had no choice and he hoped Dean would one day understand that._

_oooOOOooo_

_The note lay carefully placed on the desk just beneath the yellow lamp._

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**_Brighton Motel_**

"_The Only Place To Be!"_

Dean,

Try to understand… and forgive me

Love ya, man

Sammy

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_To Be Continued..._


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: No one's moral character (namely Sammy's) was compromised in the making of this chapter (…it might appear that way, but trust me, there is more to the story than meets the eye….) Got ya curious? Read on!

Author's Note: We're finally back to the Impala stake out…Enjoy the "ride"!

**Chapter: 6 The Reunion**

The painful memory of coming out of the shower and finding Sam gone tugged Dean back to reality. He remembered the anger, the panic, the hurt, and the tears….but mostly the tears.

He pulled the crumpled note from his pocket and smoothed it between his thumb and fingers. _Try to understand_…the note pleaded.

Dean couldn't understand nor would he ever understand. It wasn't so much that his brother had left, although that alone would be painful enough, but Sam had gone for all the wrong reasons and Dean just couldn't accept that. He shook his head. God, he wished he could go back. He wished he'd pursued the conversation to its conclusion back in the motel instead of taking his shower and leaving his brother alone in his head with his thoughts. Then maybe Sam wouldn't have left.

He glanced over at the Lake Front Motel for what seemed like the hundredth time. A few cars swooshed by obstructing his view. It was coming up on rush hour…if the dinky little town even had one, and that would mean more cars and an even more obstructed view.

Dean looked down at his watch…fifteen more minutes and the hour would be up. He scoped out the manager's office and looked forward to finally doing something to find his lost brother. The waiting approach to hunting was crap, always had been, always would be, of that Dean was sure.

Dean's cell suddenly sang out. Surprised, he reached quickly for his pocket and pulled it out. He read the screen hoping it might be Sam. Instead, Missouri was printed across it.

"Yeah"

"Dean, honey?" the black woman cooed out in her Southern Belle accent. "Is Sam with you?"

"Yeah" Dean commented curtly as he muttered… _kind of_ ….under his breath. He was feeling like now was _not_ a good time to have to explain the details of what was going on. Sam could appear at any moment and he didn't want to miss him. He turned his head back towards the motel to keep an eye out for his brother

"I need you boys to come and talk with me" she stated directly.

"About what?" Dean questioned raising his eyebrows, surprised by her comment. They hadn't caught up with the psychic for almost a year now and he was surprised that she had something she wanted to talk with them about.

"There are things you two _need_ to know." Missouri cryptically replied.

"What kind of things?" Dean questioned concerned that the _things_ she was referring to had something to do with Sam or the house they were raised in.

"The kind of things I'm gonna _talk _to you boys about when you _get_ here!" she commented adamantly, not wanting to go into the details over the phone where misunderstandings could easily occur.

Dean pulled the cell away from his ear when she barked sarcastically at him. He made a face at the electronic device and was glad that Missouri couldn't actually see it or he'd be hearing another one of her "oh so kind" comments. For some reason, Missouri was always on Dean's case, but with Sam, she was as sweet as honey. _Must be those damn puppy dog eyes_ he grumbled to himself.

"Now you _sure _that little brother of yours is with you?" she questioned with suspicion and worry in her voice.

Dean swallowed hard, but didn't respond as he glanced back at the motel. He had a feeling she already knew the answer.

"**Dean**! Look **be...side** you and tell me if Sam is there!" she spoke firmly demanding an answer.

The older Winchester paused, feeling chastised by the tone in her voice and then came clean. "No, not _exactly_" he finally admitted.

"Damn. I had hoped the boy was _with _you." She said regretfully.

"I'm working on it…" Dean quipped….. _He will be soon,_ _if I have any say in the matter_! He thought to himself.

"Dean, honey, you _need _to find him, **now"**

The tone in her voice alarmed him. She knew something.

"Why? What's wrong?!" he demanded. "Missouri, if you _know _something, tell me!"

"He's in trouble, Son, or he's gonna be real soon. I can _feel_ it. I had hoped he was with you, then at least he'd be _protected_."

"Protected? …Protected from what? What kind of trouble are we talking here?" Dean's fears were escalating as was his heartbeat in anticipation of the answer.

Missouri paused while Dean held his breath………. "Evil, pure evil" she sighed and then clarified, "the _demon _kind of trouble"

Dean's eyes doubled in size and turned a dark shade of black.

"Do you know where he is?" he questioned looking for details that might confirm he was in the right place or save him some time if Sam wasn't at the motel as he had expected. He exited the Impala, circled around to the trunk, grabbed the duffle filled with basic demon/and other-worldly supplies, and started watching for an opening in the cars to cross the street.

"No, not exactly, but I _sense_ he needs you. You best find him and get back here, ya hear?"

"I'm on it. We'll be there as soon as we can" Dean replied as he ended the call and dialed Sam's cell.

Four rings later, the call went over to voice mail as it had done fifty times before over the past week. The obnoxious beep signaled Dean to leave his message. "Sam, damn it, answer your phone! This is serious, I need to talk to you! Call me!"

He off-ed his cell and darted towards the manager's office with his legs racing almost as fast as his heart. His ribs screamed as his over worked lungs forced deep in and out movements jarring the tightly taped bones beyond their healing limits.

"Damn it" he swore to himself as he realized that his brother might have been in trouble the whole time he sat on his sorry ass in the car watching, waiting, and worrying about what he'd _say_ to Sam when he saw him. Now, he only hoped he'd _have _a chance to say _anything_ ….after Missouri's call. "Shit" he muttered under his breath. "I should have stormed the damn office hours ago!"

Dean finally reached the owner, gave Sam's description and asked if he'd seen him. After convincing the wary man that he was no threat to him if he answered the question quickly, the frightened owner replied, "Room 13." He began confessing that Sam had checked in late last night and that he hadn't seen the kid all day, but Dean was already out the door scoping out the location of his brother's room.

He called out each room number as he passed. "3…..4…Oh, sorry" he commented when he rammed into a man exiting his room. The guy looked annoyed but didn't engage him. He continued on his way. "5… 6…" he resumed as he ran frantically down the sidewalk outside the motel rooms. Why did Sam have to pick the number 13 the panicked hunter wondered? It only added to his anxiety. "7…..8….." "Damn it" he swore when it looked like his brother's room was going to be almost at the end of the entire row of rooms. He felt like he couldn't get there soon enough.

A door opened up ahead and a young woman with brown hair stepped out. Dean stopped short when he saw a tall guy following close behind her, smiling as he talked and turned to lock the motel door.

Dean's feet felt like they had been instantly cemented to the sidewalk. Sam stood only about 15 meters away, seemingly in good health. He glanced around the parking lot…nothing. There were no other people lurking and no signs of trouble…demon or any other.

Though Dean remained frozen, his mind raced along with his heart, which had not quite taken in the abrupt change in his body's activities and seen the need to slow down. Maybe Missouri was wrong. Maybe she had mistaken the future for the present or the present for the past, for that matter. Either way, Sam was _clearly_ not in any danger.

Dean's fears for Sam's well being slowly began fading into the background as his fears of confronting his younger brother quickly rose to the surface. He fidgeted as his uncertainty of how his sibling would receive him escalated.

He wanted to approach his brother, but somehow found himself unable to move, unsure as to whether he should just turn around and let his brother be…have a normal life…with whoever she was… or, whether he should move forward and confront him. The urgency for a confrontation had suddenly disappeared and he was having difficulty cooping and regrouping to choose his next course of action. He looked down and frowned. The sudden silence of their voices caught Dean's attention and he glanced back up. Sam stood still looking directly at him.

oooOOOooo

Both boys stood unmoving, checking each other out for some indication of what was to come. Dean raised his eyebrows almost pleadingly as he waited for Sam's response.

Sam turned to the attractive woman standing next to him and briefly spoke. Dean couldn't quite hear what he was saying, but the young lady glanced over at Dean. He smiled awkwardly and rubbed his head with his hand. She turned around and appeared to be disagreeing with whatever Sam had said because she was tugging on his sleeve trying to coax him to go with her…in the _opposite_ direction. Dean watched nervously, waiting to see if his little brother would go with her or stay to see him.

Apparently, Sam decided to stay much to the dismay of his companion, because she turned rather curtly and walked away from him towards the motel restaurant which lay in Dean's direction. He glanced down as she headed his way and he received a deliberate shove from her when she pushed past him on the sidewalk. Dean swept his hand across his face and placed it securely back in his pocket. He then looked up at Sam.

Sam looked at Dean and swallowed. He licked his lips as tears stung his eyes and he took a step in his brother's direction. Dean, recognizing Sam's intentions, moved towards his younger sibling as well.

They met somewhere in the middle.

Dean had wondered what he would do when he finally found Sam. He had imagined tearing him a new one, kicking his ass, and dragging the kid home for the hell his little brother had put him through. But, as he stood before his baby brother, the anger that had at times raged along the empty corridors of his deserted heart, melted into love. More than anything else, the little boy in Dean just wanted to be loved, needed, and part of this very small family that stood before him..Sam.

"Hey" Dean offered shyly as he took in his little brother's appearance. Though Sam looked more tired than usual and a bit thinner, if that were possible, the kid appeared okay much to Dean's relief.

Satisfied that his brother was good, he glanced away towards the parking lot that lay in front of the motel. The awkwardness of the moment caused him to shift uncomfortably and tuck his arms tight to his sides; his hands slipped into his pockets as if bracing for what might be coming.

"Hey" Sam replied softly. His eyes were warm and expressive.

Sam looked Dean over as well and was taken in with his scruffy, overtired, and clearly distressed appearance. He could see the pain in his brother's eyes and hated to be the cause of it. But, unlike Dean, Sam couldn't look away. Everything inside of him clung to his older brother tightly, unwilling to let go.

Each stood silently before the other.

oooOOOooo

Dean glanced back to Sam and initiated.

"So……Sammy…...we never did finish our conversation" he choked out as he looked briefly away. Everything inside of him wanted to cry. His brother was okay. That was good. His little brother had left him. That hurt like hell. His brother might not want him back in his life. That would be the death of him for sure.

Sam nodded and licked his lips again. His eyes started to tear up and he shifted uncomfortably. Everything inside of _him_ wanted to cry. His brother was recovering. That was good. He had to leave the only person in the world that gave a shit about him and hurt him in the process. That hurt like hell. His older brother could die because of him. That would be the death of him (Sam) for sure. He had to hold his ground, for Dean's sake, for his own sake.

The awkwardness in that moment was so great it felt like a giant chasm had formed between them, swallowing up all the solid ground they used to stand together on. Each brother stood at the edge feeling desperate to be on the same side as his sibling, but unsure of how to get there.

"God I hate this" Dean finally offered. The awkwardness was suffocating he and his brother to death.

Sam sniffed and shook his head in agreement.

Dean attempted to create the first make-shift bridge to reach his sibling on the opposite side.

He took a deep breath and began. "You and me, Sam...We're all we've got" he said shaking his head and looking into his little brother's hurting eyes. It took everything he had to hold it together.

Sam nodded in agreement as tears clouded his ability to see his brother clearly. "S'why I left, Dean, while we _still_ had that. Jess and Mom….. They're both dead because of _me.._….and Dad….he's gone too. I know you blame yourself, man,... but the truth is, Dad's _dead _because of _me. _

Dean shook his head. He wanted to refute his little brother' s guilt ridden conclusion but feared he might close down their conversation like he had before and didn't feel he could chance losing his brother again...so he just listened knowing there was more to come.

"They were '_in the way', _all of them, Dean,…. in the way of the demon's plans _for me_. It said so in the cabin. And…..it's only a matter of time till the bastard decides _you're_ in the way too. I thought I could _protect _you; if the damn thing came for you, I thought I could die in your place. But I can't even be sure I can do _that_ anymore, not after what happened. …..I can't _watch_ that happen to you, man. I can't." Sam stated painfully. "_Please, Dean, _don't ask me to."

Dean nodded. His little brother's thinking made sense….to his little brother, but not to him. Tears welled up in Dean's eyes and he struggled to keep them in. "You don't get it, Sammy" he stated sadly, shaking his head and running his hand across his face. "I'd rather die beside you, man, than live without you. You're the only_ family_ I've got." He cleared his throat and continued. "Without _you..._" he paused and swallowed, "I'm _already _dead." A single tear made its way down his cheek and landed silently on the road beneath him.

Dean looked vulnerably into Sam's eyes as his tears begin to freefall.

Sam stood silently before his broken brother, speechless. A river of saltwater made its way down his thin cheeks and fell to the macadam where it joined with his brothers.

Dean had revealed his heart, laid it out in the open, risking it all. From the day Sam had been placed in Dean's four year old arms and been carried out of the burning house, he had become Dean's life. His older brother had known nothing else. To lose the only purpose he had in his life truly would be the _death_ of him.

Dean was right and Sam knew it. He hadn't understood when he walked out of the motel room seven days ago that his leaving threatened the very _life_ of his brother. His leaving was not something his brother could recover from or even survive. And if Sam walked away _this_ time, he'd be taking the hope his "survivor" brother still held onto… with him, and the stake that lay barely piercing Dean's heart would push clean through taking his brother's life with it. God help him, he couldn't walk away from his brother, not now, not knowing that.

But one issue still remained unresolved. The demon. His staying was going to put Dean straight in its path, in the way of its wrath should his older brother attempt to protect him from its plans and Sam feared he wouldn't be able to stop it.

"I just don't know if I can _watch _you die, man." Sam offered desperately as he looked deeply into his older brother's eyes.

It was something that both brothers had always deeply felt, but never shared. Somewhere, somehow, each had accepted the fact that he would die, maybe on a hunt or at the hands of the yellow eyed demon or hell even in a car accident, but never…ever..could either accept outliving the other, let alone _watching_ the other die. If they stayed together, it was likely that one would one day suffer the unthinkable.

Neither spoke as they looked at each other.

Dean nodded, squinched up his lips and sniffed. "Tell you what" his breath hitched as he looked pleadingly at his little brother, "….I'll tell you when to close_ your_ eyes, if you'll tell me when to close_ mine_"

Sam exhaled in a soft laugh. His brother's solution was so genuine, so vulnerable. He was willing to face the unthinkable as long as they were together. Was the fear of watching Dean die worth giving up living life together, hunting together…getting revenge on the monster that had taken so much from them their whole lives and threatened their future? The answer was obvious and Sam embraced the bridge Dean had created across the chasm to reach him. He nodded, "Deal"

Dean removed his hand from his pocket and extended it to his brother.

Sam grinned at his brother's formal gesture and grasped his offered hand firmly. He responded with a shake then pulled his brother in for a hug.

For Dean, it was unexpected but not unwelcomed. For a brief moment, the love the brothers had shared finally found expression..not so much in words, but in the simple contact made in a hug. Dean gave Sam a quick pat on the back and the boys turned awkwardly away and cleaned up their tears.

tbc...Don't be shy, please reply...review...heckle...whatever (smile) Just no tomatoes...please? Giggles Rachelly


	7. Chapter 7

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Previously:

"I just don't know if I can _watch _you die, man." Sam offered desperately as he looked deeply into his older brother's eyes.

Dean nodded, squinched up his lips and sniffed. "Tell you what" his breath hitched as he looked pleadingly at his little brother, "….I'll tell you when to close your eyes, if you'll tell me when to close mine"

Sam embraced the bridge that Dean had created across the chasm that separated them to reach his older brother. He nodded, "Deal"

Dean removed his hand from his pocket and extended it to his brother.

Sam grinned at his brother's formal gesture and grasped his offered hand firmly. He responded with a shake and then pulled his brother in for a **hug**.

Dean gave Sam a quick pat on the back and the boys turned awkwardly away and cleaned up their tears.

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Chapter 7

It was Sam's turn to break the intensity of the moment and he did so willingly. "So, how did you find me, anyways?" Sam questioned interrupting his brother's thoughts as he tried to move the conversation back over to the brotherly banter they were both so accustomed to.

"Dude, you've been using the credit card I scored for you, _duh_! If you don't want to be found, you gotta do better than _that_."

"What makes you think I _didn't_ want to be found?" Sam questioned with a crooked smile.

Dean looked suspiciously at Sam trying to read his tone. …..."Nah" he decided and then paused and raised his eyebrows…. "You didn't."

"Not intentionally, anyways" Sam replied sheepishly. "But I sure as hell didn't want to go this road alone, I'll tell you that."

"Next time….. we're totally talking _before_ I get in the shower."

"Next time, huh? You planning on a next time, Dean?"

Dean stopped and looked over at Sam with a '_don't even go there, little brother' _kind of look.

Sam smiled and put his hands upward and outward in a '_don't kill me, I was just kidding'_ kind of way.

Dean nodded, pleased that his little brother had gotten the message.

Sam began walking in the direction the brunette had gone and Dean followed closely beside him, knowing full well that in that same direction lay a whole restaurant full of food. It had been ...(Dean tried calculating the length of time he had gone without food. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten)…..well, too long, obviously, and he began wondering if his body would even know what to do with food when he finally ate it.

The smell of beef came wafting out of the restaurant as a customer opened the door, and it made its way along the sidewalk before dissipating into the parking lot. Dean's stomach began to rumble. His mind mentally noted the descending numbers of the motel doors as if they were a count down to his meal…7….6….. He took an exaggerated sniff, cocked his head to the side toward his sibling, and with a sarcastic smile loudly declared, "Ahh…..meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and gravy….every diner's _specialty_."

Sam shot a disgusted look at his brother, grossed out by his sibling's insane love of greasy diner food.

Dean smiled knowing full well he had just sickened his brother out. He wasn't sure if he actually _liked_ meatloaf and gravy, or if he just liked watching his sibling _pale_ through an entire meal while watching him eat it. It was a big brother thing that Dean had never been able to shake. Maybe it was a little of both, but either way, diner food brought him great pleasure.

Sam glanced over at his brother's smirking face and noticed the duffle firmly grasped in his left hand.

"Expecting trouble?" Sam questioned Dean, amused that his brother had come looking for him with guns a blazing even if they were a bit obscured in the duffle.

"Actually I _was,_ smart ass" Dean quipped as he passed Room 5 and anticipated 4 in his countdown to meatloaf.

Surprised, Sam stopped again and looked at his brother. His eyes beckoned for an explanation.

Dean turned, rolled his eyes and made a sour face as his meal was once again postponed by the endless conversation his little brother felt compelled to throw in his direction. He would never admit it to Sam's face, but he really was enjoying the steady sound of his brother's voice. It was one of the many things he had missed about him. If he could just get his brother to move _forward _while he talked….

Sam's eyes remained fixed and unyielding. Dean finally caved and stopped his forward motion. "Yeah, okay," he conceeded. "Missouri called."

Sam's head came forward and his eyebrows raised. "Missouri?"

"Yeah, Sam….. Missouri. She wants to talk to us………thought you might be in danger, for some _god forsaken_ reason" he said disgustedly. " Maybe she should _tune _her _antenna _to a different _station_" he added sarcastically, still feeling annoyed with her that she had forced a confrontation where none was needed and scared the shit out of him in the process. Still...she _did_ get he and Sam together sooner and, in a way, he guessed he should be grateful.

Sam was amused by Dean's remark. He had missed his older brother's snarky comments.

"Why would she think that?" Sam questioned unbelievably as Missouri's words of warning began working their way into his mind.

"Who knows with that woman…I swear she likes to bug the _hell_ out of me."

"I doubt she'd say I was in danger, just to bug you, Dean. Did she say what kind of danger she thought I was in?"

Dean paused and looked away. _Evil, pure evil…the demon kind of trouble._ Her words still iced the blood in his veins as he recalled them. He looked back at his little brother who already had too much on his shoulders, and decided to give him a little more time in his so called _normal l_ife before bringing his brother's demon hunting life back to smack him in his face. Besides, she was obviously wrong, so why worry the kid.

"No" he answered flatly as he turned to begin walking again.

The mere thought of Sam having a "normal' life, albeit a short one, made Dean a bit curious about the brunette who had shoved past him earlier. It was obvious Sam was leading them in _her _direction which was just fine with him. He had the same goal (the diner) in mind even if for different reasons...ie the food.

"So who's the chick, Sammy?" he questioned with a suggestive smile and tone in his voice. He'd been deprived of harassing his little brother for a solid week now felt compelled to make up for lost time.

"Her _name _is Melinda, Dean, and she'snot a _chick,_" Sam corrected his downstairs brained brother.

"Yeah, right, Sammy" Dean laughed out loud and nodded teasingly. "You've been in a hotel room _all _day long with her and you _haven't_ even figured out she's a chick _yet_? Dude! Either you have some _serious _gender problems or you're trying to hide something from me, little brother," he teased with a smart aleck-y smile on his face.

"You've been here _all day_?" Sam questioned incredulously. It looked like his older sibling was the one who had been hiding something.

"Kind of" Dean answered sheepishly, his smile now more of the embarrassed variety.

Sam stopped and faced his brother. The motel door labeled Room #2 was suddenly blocked by the now turned body of the younger Winchester.

Dean paled as he saw the potential of his dinner… fade from view once again and the potential of a '_bare your heart'_ moment step center stage.

"Why didn't you come _talk _to me?" Sam questioned unbelievably.

Dean scratched his head beginning to wonder himself. He tried to come up with a macho reason, but couldn't think of one. A quick look of fear splashed across his face as he recalled _that_ as the reason he had waited all day.

Sam knew Dean well and immediately recognized the look. He laughed. "You were _scared?_" he asked in amazement.

Dean wriggled uncomfortably and shifted his weight.

Sam continued trying to guess his brother's reasons. "You were scared…I …would be …_mad_…?"

Dean shifted again and looked sheepishly up at Sam. Sam took that as confirmation that he was on the right track and continued.

"…that you _followed_ me?" Sam finally guessed after reading his brother's body language and facial expressions.

Dean made a "yeah, well" expression and walked embarrassingly away. After all, it did sound a bit dumb the way Sam was saying it.

Sam followed his brother. "Man, why would I be mad?" he asked trying to understand his big brother's thinking.

"Gee, I don't know, Sam. Could it be because I didn't think you _wanted _to be found? You never answered _any _of my calls."

"Dean, I was trying to _protect_ you. How could I possibility be _angry_ with you for caring enough to _find_ me?"

"Yeah, well, I know that _now_" Dean answered shyly.

The conversation was getting a bit too chick flicky and definitely entering the land of uncomfortable emotions for Dean, so he did what he does best…. changed the channel.

"So…. about this **_chick_**…" Dean initiated obnoxiously, waiting for is brother to pick up and run with it.

Sam gave Dean a disgusted look and did as his brother had hoped.

"Melinda!"

"Yeah, Mel…..linda" Dean teased pretending he was having trouble pronouncing her name.

Sam stopped just short of the restaurant door and Dean decided that for some cruel reason, it was not in the cards for him to eat today.

"Remember that vision I had back in the cemetery?"

"The one you thought you _couldn't_ remember?" Dean questioned accusingly.

Sam ignored his tone. "I think I had it again two days ago"

Dean's brow suddenly furrowed in horror. "Damn, Sammy, are you okay?" Dean questioned worriedly, cursing himself that he hadn't been there to help his brother through it. "Did you go the whole nine yards, convulsions and all?

"_No_, not at all. It was like the _other_ visions. Came on fast and left that way too. Quick flashes of images….a place…a man...a clock" Suddenly Sam's face lit up. "I _saw_ her, Dean. I saw _Melinda_! The first time…… in the cemetery…. I couldn't tell much of anything, just a dark figure lurking, but the _second_ time, I saw her _face_! She's like _me,_ Dean, _just_ like me! Her _mom _was killed like _ours._ She has _abilities _and she doesn't understand them _either_ and, get this, …she can't control them!"

Sam's eyes were wide with enthusiasm as he looked for his brother to feel the same excitement.

Dean was hesitant, then cautious, and finally doubtful. "But your visions were always about the gifted kids who were _killing_ people, Sam. How do you know she's not one of _them!_ What did the vision show you?"

"I saw her kill someone, Dean." Sam offered softly so no one would hear him as he reached to open the door.

The eldest Winchester's face paled in fear. "What?!" he exclaimed as he grabbed Sam by the arm and pulled him back before he could enter.

"Let me finish, Dean! The vision gave me all the details including the doctor she was going to kill. I figured out the _where_ and the _when_ from my vision …. and I stopped her! It was supposed to happen today! We sat in the motel all day and _fought_ it. The demon tried to get in her mind. She had horrible headaches like I get and convulsions. But the damn thing couldn't. She **_beat_** it!" Sam stated excitedly. "She didn't want to kill, Dean, and she _chose _not to! She.."

"Sam!" Dean interrupted. "We can't be _sure _of that! Did you tell her about _you_? Your _abilities?_"

"I had to, Dean, she was freaked out when I first found her and only opened up once I explained what was happening to her, to me, and the others."

Dean's big brother instincts kicked in full gear.

"_Damn it_, Sam. She might already be fulfilling the demon's plans for her and _you _might be getting _lured_ into them. We haven't figured out the damn thing's plan for _you _yet, remember? For all we know, the bastard's gonna _use_ her to get to _you!_" Dean turned, grabbing Sam's arm, and tried to pull his brother away from the diner.

Sam stopped short and released his arm. "No, Dean. She's not _like _that. Let me introduce you to her. She said she'd be here at the diner getting coffee. _Please,_ Dean, just meet her. You'll see what I mean." Sam began pulling Dean towards the restaurant.

"Sam, the last time you _spontaneously_ _met_ someone, she turned out to be _demon possessed_, remember? Meg?"

"I didn't _spontaneously meet _Melinda. She was _in_ my vision! Do you know what this means?! If _she _can change, there's hope for me….. _right?_"

"What are you _talking _about?" Dean questioned desperately trying to follow his brother's thinking and be assured that all this was a good thing.

"Think about it, Dean. If the demon had plans for her and _she_ was able to resist them, then maybe _I_ can resist them too! _Please,_ Dean, ….at least _meet_ her"

Sam looked at his brother with pleading eyes. Dean could see that this woman had offered his little brother hope and that was one thing the kid was short on. Hesitatingly, he nodded his head. "Okay, but if things don't seem right…."

"…we'll leave" Sam finished pleased that Dean was willing to give it a go.

"And, I do have this to back us up" Dean added as he held up the duffle to his brother, patted it gently on the side, and placed it protectively beside him.

Sam rolled his eyes, opened the door, and ushered his brother into the small motel restaurant. The smell of mashed potatoes, gravy and meatloaf danced around the boys upon entering. To Sam, the chunky beef smell sickened him. To Dean, after thinking he'd never eat again, it was a dream come true.

Sam scanned the place looking for Melinda. Dean surveyed the place for the brunette, but he was also looking for anything out of the ordinary.

"Must be in the restroom" Sam commented as he moved forward to question the hostess.

Dean raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Excuse me." Sam beckoned the hostess politely when she returned to her podium.

Dean scanned the restaurant again for any potential threats. He was growing uncomfortable with the whole situation as all his protective big brother alarms were sounding loudly in his head.

"Did you see the brunette that walked in here about 20 minutes ago? She had on a green shirt and jeans."

"Yes, she was here. Are you Sam?" the petite girl asked hesitatingly.

Both Dean and Sam looked at each other, surprised that she had called him by name.

"Yeah" Sam answered with a half smile and suspicious eyes.

"She left a note for you," the young hostess commented as she fiddled in the drawer she had just pulled out. "I think I put it in here….somewhere…….ah, yes. Here you go."

Sam looked cautiously over at Dean and took the note. His older brother shifted uncomfortably as Sam began opening it.

"_Keep your **innocence**, Sam. It makes you **sooooo **deliciously **vulnerable** _

_to **His **_**inevitable **_plans….for **you**_"

Mel

The words mocked Sam as he read them. He felt his trust betrayed. He felt as if he'd been fed upon and enjoyed as some kind of decadent dessert and he felt the hopelessness of a future that she claimed was inescapable. His jaw dropped along with all his newly acquired hopes of being able to overcome the demon's plans.

"What's it say" Dean demanded seeing his little brother's shocked expression. He took the note from Sam's shaking hand as his brother looked up at him with disbelief and fear radiating from his eyes.

Dean read the note and looked determinedly at his brother who looked pale, lost, and about to crumble. He began adding up the events of the past week…and the conclusion was down right scary.

Sam had apparently been the victim of a twisted, sophisticated conspiracy cleverly devised by the demon himself. It began with separating Sam from Dean, included baiting him by Melinda, and had a purpose that had somehow been thwarted… at least temporarily.

Dean's mind began to reason through the details. It probably began at the cemetery with the supposed vision which led to his injuries. The damn thing _knew _Sam's vulnerabilities and had _played_ on them, knowing full well Sam would blame himself and leave the protection of his watchful eyes. Once alone, the demon had used Sam's abilities _against_ him, leading him right to Melinda or whatever the hell her name was. She played her part well, weaving her web of lies and deceptions as she _baited _his little brother. Based on the evil creature's behavior…the glance, the pull on Sam's sleeve to leave with her, the shove….she _knew _if Sam talked with him, went with him, she would lose him. If he hadn't shown up when he did……. The thought panicked him. Missouri had been right.

"C'mon, Sammy. We gotta go!" Dean called as gently as he could to his younger brother trying to help him keep it together until they were safe in the car. The panic he felt jolted his heart into high gear; the pounding in his chest and increasing breaths caused his broken ribs to begin to scream.

Sam just stood cemented by his shock. He couldn't hear his brother's voice outside the frozen ice world of his mind.

"Sir? Are you _alright_?" the hostess questioned the unresponsive young man who appeared catatonic before her. She turned to Dean. "Should I call 911?"

Dean didn't have time to interact. His only purpose was to protect his brother and every instinct told him to leave… immediately.

"Sam, now!" Dean commanded, grabbing his shell shocked sibling's arm and trying to urgently pull him towards the door.

Sam barely heard his brother's voice as it called from somewhere off in the distance. His words were indiscernible and muted by the icy walls of his mind. Still, what he could hear was the tone of his voice. It was pleading, demanding, and panicked and the warmth of his affection for his sibling melted the frozen fabric that separated them... enough to create a crack.

"NOW!" Dean's voice commanded as he reached out to Sam's chest and grabbed his shirt and began physically forcing him out the door.

Sam stumbled in shock as the voice he had been so desperately straining to hear and understand finally shattered the icy wall and broke through. Dean righted him and continued his frantic tugging. Yanked back to the present, Sam finally found his focus and the two bolted towards the Impala.

oooOOOooo

Dean threw all the scattered junk that littered the front seat into the back and they both slid in. Dean keyed the ignition and the Impala's tires smoked as he sped away. For now, he was hell bent on getting as far away from the Inn as the road would take him.

His heart raced as the reality that while he sat outside his brother's motel room all day, the demon or whatever the hell she was had been slowly and methodically working to bait his little brother. In his _hesitation_ to approach Sam, he almost _lost_ him for good.

"You okay?" Dean questioned looking over at his brother who sat silently in the seat beside him. He glanced at his speedometer when he saw a police car coming from the opposite direction and slowed slightly. The last thing they needed was to get dragged back into town.

Sam didn't answer, didn't even move.

"Sam? Hey!"

Sam turned startled by Dean's voice.

"You okay?" Dean questioned again as he looked his little brother over quickly.

"She was with the demon?" he muttered; his voice was void of all expression.

Dean nodded. "I think so, Sammy" Dean answered softly trying to help his brother deal with what had just happened.

Sam shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair in amazement as he began thinking through all that had taken place. "This whole thing…." Sam said despairingly, "…was planned."

Dean's heart sank as he realized his brother had put it together. He had almost hoped he wouldn't be able to. He waited to see what his little brother would do next. He wondered if Sam would begin reasoning out what had happened according to their familiar pattern, where one begins a sentence and the other completes it, or whether Sam would prefer to think it through himself. If Sam wanted to dialogue back and forth, Dean was willing, but he knew the truths revealed would be hard to swallow.

Sam chose to reason out the details in their usual style. Their minds worked in perfect synchronization.

"The cemetery…..the vision……." Sam began.

"….probably from the demon to screw up our hunt and get us separated. Then it could have a go at you…alone."

"Melinda, her abilities, her mom, my helping her..."

"…..probably all a lie just to draw you in" Dean stated gently knowing the words would be hard for his little brother to hear.

"It was all part of a twisted, sophisticated plot" Sam frighteningly declared.

Dean was freaked out by the whole thing too, but he tried to hide it. Sam needed his strength, his confidence, his belief that after all the shit that had gone down…somehow things would be okay. It was something his little brother had always looked to him for, and he was damn sure his little brother was gonna get it.

Sam wiped his hand wearily across his face. "It's like the damn thing knew _exactly_ what buttons to push, what to say, how to _manipulate_ me. It _knew _my weaknesses, Dean, and it _played_ on them all in a perfectly 'stacked deck' kind of way."

Sensing Sam's despair, Dean glanced confidently over at him and began. "We figured it out, Sam. The dealer didn't win this round. You gotta remember that," he offered trying desperately to encourage his brother after seeing him have his hopeful rug ripped out from under him.

"Shit, Dean. I spent the last _two_ days, hell, the _whole_ day today with the damn thing! Do you think she's one of the demon's _children, like Meg_?" Sam questioned worriedly.

Sam fired the question fast and furiously and Dean recognized his little brother's fear and began damage control.

"Probably, Sam, based on the note, anyway, but remember, we took her _sorry _ass _down _and Melinda, or whatever the hell her name really is, will go right downwith her."

"Do you think… she was going to kill me?" Sam questioned nervously.

"No!" Dean declared unwilling to even go there and hoping to keep Sam from venturing down that avenue either.

"Why did she...it just give up? I mean, it could have killed me at any time. I totally bought it all. Do you think it accomplished its purpose and moved on?'

"I don't know, Sam."

"If so, what was it?"

"I don't know, but you're okay and it's over. The damn thing is gone We just need to be more careful, that's all, more suspicious of anyone claiming to know about the demon or have special abilities. Dean looked over to see if his brother was receiving the help he was trying to offer him.

Sam sat quietly for a moment. Dean gave his younger sibling time to gather his thoughts, hopeful that his brother would soon share what was going on inside that freaked out head of his.

Finally, Sam spoke up. "How could I have been so stupid? Sam questioned his brother softly with deep searching eyes.

The question tugged at Dean's heart. "Sam…..this isn't about being stupid, alright_?" _Dean assured sympathetically "The damn thing's best-ed us before. It's a slippery son of a bitch, remember?"

Sam nodded hopelessly.

Dean sensed that Sam had switched from feeling stupid, to feeling hopeless again and offered his little brother words of encouragement, "….. but I_ know _we're gonna kill the damn thing. It's only a matter of time."

Dean glanced over as Sam stared straight ahead.

" Maybe Missouri will have some answers that can help us" he added trying to get his sibling's mind to head in the direction of hope.

Sam's lips formed a slight smile. "You know…" Sam commented looking over at Dean for his thoughts, "she took off right when you showed up." His words reflected his relief that his brother had found him in time and tremendous appreciation for his older sibling.

"Maybe the damn thing knows it can't get us as easily when we're _together,_" Dean said looking over at his brother with his classic crooked smile plugging an obvious point for them being together.

Sam smiled as he caught his brother's emphasis on the word 'together'.

"She did try to keep me from talking to you in the parking lot" Sam added softly still trying to add things up in his head.

"Maybe our strength... our weapon against the demon, is us_…_you and me, Sammy, together."

'Yeah, but Dean, the cabin, we were together there and look what happened."

"We still survived, Sam" Dean corrected, not liking where his little brother might be going with that thought.

"Barely" Sam added.

Sam was right. They barely had survived, but they still survived never the less. Being together might not kill the demon, like the colt could have, but it just might thwart its plans…for Sammy anyways.

ooOOOoo

Dean kept a watchful eye in the rearview mirror as they left the town and eventually Nebraska's borders. Sam sat silent in the seat beside him. He glanced over several times and his heart went out to the kid. The yellow eyed son of bitch was really messing with his little brother's head. They needed to figure out a way to beat the thing at its own game before it was too late. He wished he had the Colt right now. There just has to be another way to kill the bastard, Dean reasoned, and eventually they'd find it.

Dean determined to check with Ash when they stopped again. Right now, they were heading to Missouri's to hopefully get some answers and not more questions. They didn't need any more questions and Dean wasn't sure Sam could handle any more either.

tbc


	8. Chapter 8

Previously:

Dean glanced over several times and his heart went out to his brother. The yellow eyed son of a bitch was really messing with his little brother's head. He needed to figure out a way to beat this thing at its own game before it was too late. He only hoped that Missouri had some answers and not more questions. The brother's didn't need any more questions and Dean wasn't sure Sam could handle any more either

**Chapter 8 **

Dean had decided to travel non-stop from Nebraska to Kansas in order to reach Missouri's by late morning or early afternoon the following day. Both brothers felt a strong sense of urgency to unlock the mystery of their lives and the demon's plan for Sam after what had just happened and were hopeful that the psychic was somehow in possession of the key or at least had knowledge of where it could be found. Both desperately needed a glimmer of hope.

Sam remained quiet most of the trip. When ever Dean attempted to initiate conversations, his brother's one word contributions tended to conclude them. Dean had offered Sam a choice of radio stations, the opportunity to drive, and even picked him up a bag of candy at the mini-mart when he refueled the Impala, but still, Sam remained despondent.

Dean couldn't really blame him. Sam's sense of safety had been obliterated …twice….,once, in the graveyard as the demon had demonstrated its ability to drop him at will, and a second time in the very nature of the overall plot that had been created to entrap him. Sam's personality and character had also been attacked as they were manipulated and used against him by the demon's cohort. He was questioning his judgment, his intelligence, his trust in people and his trust in himself. The demon and his 'demonette" or whatever the hell she was, had attacked his little brother on so many levels that the ground on which he had been standing, hope, had finally crumbled beneath him. The question still remained….why? Was it simply a twisted game to torment his little brother or was there a purpose? And if so, what?

Dean's thoughts were interrupted by two golden arches that were peeking just over the tree line near an upcoming exit.

"Hungry?" He questioned his brother, nodding at the yellow McDonald's sign up ahead. Sam hadn't eaten anything since they'd left Nebraska and Dean was growing concerned.

Sam shook his head. "No," he answered using another one word reply thus ending the start of a potentially interesting conversation.

Dean was not about to let this one die, however. He was hungry and his brother had to be too. Deciding that the direct approach of either tackling his brother to the ground and shoving food down his throat _or _threatening his little brother's life if he didn't eat something, would probably backfire considering the state his sibling was in, he chose humor as his tactic. At least it would lighten his brother up a bit and at best maybe even get him to consider eating.

"Aw, c'mon Sammy, how about a McGriddle sandwich? …. egg… cheese…. bacon….all wrapped up in a tasty… syrupy….muffin." Just the thought of it made Dean's mouth water and he hoped it was having the same effect on Sam.

Sam just shook his head.

"Let me guess, you'd rather have a salad for breakfast," Dean quipped trying to engage his brother.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean, it's almost eleven. McDonalds doesn't have breakfast foods this late. They start serving lunch at 10:31"

Dean laughed, amused by his brothers regurgitated fact. "Yeah, right, Sam. _No_body starts serving lunch at 10:31 in the morning. McDonalds serves breakfast 24 hours a day."

"No it _doesn't,_ Dean, that's Denny's"

"Denny's, huh?" Dean smiled pleased that his brother had finally spilled complete sentences out of his mouth and that a conversation had actually occurred, albeit short and about McDonalds.

Dean, starving for a bite to eat after watching his potential meal the day before slip through his fingers, stopped anyway, and after confirming that his little brother's information was accurate, he gave up on the McGriddle sandwich and ordered the works….burger, fries and a drink. He attempted to get his younger brother to eat something by dangling some French fries in front of his nose, but other than getting an annoyed look, which was in itself satisfying, was unsuccessful. Moments later, after inhaling the ¼ lb of beef which he imagined was his long lost meatloaf from the day before, he pulled the car back onto the road.

Sam returned to his quiet pensiveness as he watched glassy eyed out the front windshield. Figuring his brother wasn't in an overly talkative mood and having been convinced that the kid was doing _okay_ considering the circumstances, based on what he _had_ said, Dean decided not to push it. He popped in a cassette, turned the volume up, and let his mind wander along with his car on the open highway.

oooOOOooo

Dean's thoughts were interrupted when Sam leaned forward and pointed out their exit. Following the directions Missouri had given, the boys made their way to her humble neighborhood only a few streets over from the highway.

Upon entering the neighborhood, the boys began taking in the symmetrical homes that lined both sides of the streets. While the colors varied, the homes were almost identical. They were all two stories with brick chimneys extending beyond the roof lines on the right side and had centered front doors with large picture windows on either side. The second floors had three windows, one of which was circular.

Dean turned onto the street Missouri had indicated and the boys began scanning for the psychic's house.

After turning his head right and left several times without any luck, Dean grew frustrated. " Yeah!_ 'You'll recognized it'_, my ass!" Dean mocked the psychic's answer she had given him when he requested her house number several miles back.

Sam continued scanning purposefully.

"_Jeez!_ They all look alike! How the _hell_ are we s'possed to remember which one is hers?" Dean quipped out once again.

Sam smiled upon hearing his brother's complaints. He knew how Dean felt about suburban life and could only imagine what other comments his sarcastic brother had up his sleeve. He just hoped he wouldn't say or do anything embarrassing as they visited the neighborhood.

Dean continued his ranting. "It's like looking in a mirror, Sammy, at your reflection in a mirror ,,,,that's reflecting your reflection ….in a mirror that's reflecting…"

"Dude! Enough already," Sam finally called out after turning his head and staring at his brother. A small smile actually broke out across his face revealing his amusement with his brother's comment.

Dean looked over at Sam with a smile of his own. He was pleased he had accomplished his objective. "Okay, brain boy, if you think they're _all_ so different, which one is _hers_?" Dean challenged his brother sarcastically as he turned down the music to hear his answer.

"I remember it was on the right, a white house, I think, with…. green shutters and a crack in the driveway."

"A crack in the driveway, huh? I'm surprised you notice _anything _on the ground with your bird's eye view, Sammy," he teased mocking his little brother's towering height.

"Nice," Sam replied.

Dean nodded with a 'yeah well' expression as the houses continued to pass by, one by one.

Dean actually did depend on both Sam's bird's eye perspective _and_ his ability to notice and recall the little details. Though he would never admit it, he was impressed by his brother's past observation. _Only_ Sam would remember there was a crack in the driveway. His uncanny eye for detail was sometimes down right scary, but this time, it might actually help them find the psychic's home. Houses just weren't his thing. Now a good car or woman, well, he could describe either one with intricate details!

"There," Sam called out pointing to a small, yet familiar home.

The house wasn't much different than the other houses on the block, well, except for one thing, it housed a powerful psychic, namely Missouri Mosley, an insightful black woman whose hug could swallow you up whole as her generous proportions wrapped warmly around you or whose words could flatten you if they were aimed correctively in your direction.

oooOOOooo

Dean pulled the Impala over and parked it curb side. The engine rumbled for a bit as the two sat quietly inside, each, in his own way, recalling their family's history with the woman who had beckoned them to come.

The history began with their father, John Winchester, who had gone to see the psychic years ago to get answers about his beloved wife, Mary's, death. Her death had been supernatural in nature and it was Missouri's other-worldly expertise that he had sought.

Less than a year ago, he boys had contacted the psychic when searching for answers to their childhood home and its history after Sam had experienced visions of its occupants being in danger. The boys, using their father's journal as a map, had followed the road signs to the psychic who assisted them in ridding their old home of a nasty poltergeist which had been inhabiting it.

Between John's experiences and the boys', Missouri had a pretty good understanding of their family situation and had special insights into the spirit realm that could prove useful in their quest to right the wrongs of the past that had been committed against their loved ones and prevent the harm that still threatens them even today.

Dean knew Sam was looking forward to seeing her again, though his demeanor didn't seem to reflect it. Of course, he had reason to. He was the one who seemed to get swallowed up by her big hugs. "Sam, honey" she'd coo at his little brother with sickly sweet tones of sympathy and understanding every time she addressed him. It's no wonder the kid wanted to see her and, in a way, she would probably be good for him. Sam looked like he could use a good hug and some sympathy and Dean knew he wasn't very good at that sort of thing.

For Dean, well, his experience last time was less than enjoyable. The psychic had an uncanny way of knowing what he was thinking and chastised him for it. Never once did she coo at him, not that he would have wanted her to, and if anything, the woman seemed to launch missiles in his direction every chance she got. Her words came back to the foreground of his thoughts…_not the sharpest tool in the shed, get the mop and clean this mess up…don't you put your feet on my coffee table_. It got to the point where he was afraid to _think_ in front of her.

Dean recalled leaving the psychic's presence over a year ago as her parting words came back to haunt him. "_See ya soon,"_ Missouri had called out with a knowing nod. Dean remembered thinking _yeah, yeah, yeah_….**not **….as he had smiled and waved his seemingly friendly goodbye! He had had absolutely no intention of returning to subject himself to her corrective comments ever again. It surprised Dean that she had been right, they would be back, and he couldn't help but wonder if she had known something more about their situation last year and kept it to herself.

oooOOOooo

Dean glanced over to Sam who looked blankly at the residence.

"You good?" he questioned his sibling wanting to give his brother a minute if he needed it.

"Yeah" Sam replied as he turned to his brother and offered a weak and vulnerable smile.

Dean gave an understanding nod back and the two exited the car. Sam, began waking towards the front door.

As Dean glanced once more up and down the suburban cookie cutter street, he couldn't help but picture its residents, imagining them to be right out of the Father Knows Best catalog. Dad was probably wearing a tie, Mom an apron, and little Johnny was in his room playing with his train set.

Seeing an opportunity to humiliate his brother unfolding before his eyes, he decided to take full advantage.

"Hold on, H_ONEY_," he hollered loudly, " I need to grab my BRIEFCASE and LUNCH PAIL," Dean mocked pretending to be the typical suburban husband returning home from work.

Sam glanced back at Dean disgustedly and attempted to shush him, then glance around to make sure no one had heard his brother's stereotypical comment. Convinced that no one had heard, he moved hurriedly towards the door fearful of what else might fall out of his brother's sarcastic mouth.

"FINE!" Dean huffed trying desperately to stave off a laugh. "No IRON for YOU this Christmas, DEAR!" he hollered as loudly as he could to his now fleeing brother whom he imagined was turning several shades of holiday red.

The door suddenly swung open, rescuing Sam, and they were greeted by Missouri's warm and clearly relieved smile.

"Bout time you boys decided to show up" she called in her almost Southern Belle accent and high pitched voice as she glared at Dean for not bringing Sam in sooner.

Dean made a 'say cheese' smile, then turned back to Sam and scrunched up his lips and in a mocking face. Her sarcasm annoyed him after driving nonstop just to get there. Missouri eyed Dean suspiciously. He swore under his breath realizing she probably knew what he was _thinking,_ let alone _doing_ behind her back.

Sam ignored his brother's childishness, smiled and welcomed her greeting. He liked Missouri. She was gentle and understanding and almost motherly towards him and it felt good to be back in her presence.

For Dean, the jury that _had_ been out…was back and ready to call the verdict.

"Sam, honey," Missouri cooed sympathetically as she wrapped her arms around him, "It's good ta see you. You alright, child?" she questioned with sweet and gentle tones.

Dean watched Sam carefully curious as to how his brother would answer her question. Sam nodded and returned the hug after bending over to reach her vertically challenged frame. He seemed pleased to be fussed over and for that Dean was grateful. Sam then moved inside the doorway.

Dean waited anxiously outside. Missouri was standing in the doorway looking directly at him with her eyebrows raised. He was desperately hoping she wouldn't reach for him. The thought of being enveloped by her, well, sickened him.

She popped her eyes wide open and sarcastically replied..."Don't you worry, _boy_, I wasn't _gonna_!"

Dean felt relieved and embarrassed at the same time having had his thoughts perceived once again. He hoped she hadn't detected the "sickening" feeling he had when he thought of being hugged by her. If she had, he was doomed for sure.

Missouri stepped aside allowing ample room for Dean to enter the house. As he did, he felt his demeanor suddenly aligned with Sam's as the reality of the reason for the visit sobered him.

Both knew that inside lay either a potential treasure box of answers, a boatload of questions, or worse, a Pandora's Box, which once opened, could not be closed again. Neither one knew quite what to expect.

Missouri, sensing the boys' apprehension, tried to lighten the moment a bit by appealing to their stomachs.

"You boys want something to eat or drink?"

Dean shook his head having just picked up a bite at the drive-thru less than ten miles back. His brother hadn't eaten anything since they had hooked up and Dean was hoping her offer would be taken up. He looked at Sam with raised eyebrows and nodded his head as if encouraging him to eat something.

"We're good, thanks" Sam answered for both of them.

Dean frowned and made a mental note to stuff something down his brother's throat the next time he got the chance.

They made their way into her small, yet functional living room and sat down on an old sofa next to the window as she gushed on about how glad she was to see them. Her obvious relief at their arrival indicated the depth of concern she had felt about their safety.

She sat herself down in a wooden rocking chair across from them. Its faithful years of service supporting the generously sized woman were revealed in the creaking noises it made as she rocked slowly back and forth gathering her thoughts.

Sam and Dean sat quietly waiting for the psychic to speak the words her heart seemed to be deeply feeling and unable to express.

She looked up at the boys sympathetically. "I'm so sorry about your daddy," she finally said in a deep and sorrowful voice. "He was a good man" she commented shaking her head feeling sad that he had died in the battle he had hoped to one day win. "…a good man."

There was a moment of silence as all considered the loss. Only the steady creaking of the rocking chair on the hardwood floor dared to make a sound.

Sam nodded and glanced over at Dean, knowing the conversation would be uncomfortable for him, and smiled reassuringly. Dean, not liking his feelings to be acknowledged even in eye exchanges, looked away.

"So, you wanted to talk with us?" Dean declared eager to change the subject, though not sure he wanted to embark on this one either.

Missouri nodded and turned her head, casting her gaze out the large picture window to the right of her. She appeared to be looking far off in the distance.

Sam shifted nervously on the sofa beside his older brother as he watched the psychic intently.

Dean sensed his brother's apprehension, glanced over, and gave a reassuring nod. As he looked back at Missouri, he realized her gaze had been too long for her to just be looking across the street. He couldn't help but wonder if it was the spirit realm or more the future that she was gazing at.

She finally glanced back at the brothers with troubled eyes and took a deep breath ...

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Previously on Supernatural Lost and Found**

Both knew that inside lay either a potential treasure box of answers, a boatload of questions, or worse, a Pandora's Box, which once opened, could not be closed again. Neither one knew quite what to expect……..

"So, you wanted to talk with us?" Dean questioned

Missouri nodded and turned her head casting her gaze out the large picture window to the right of her. She appeared to be looking far off in the distance, but Dean couldn't help but wonder if it was more the future that she was looking at.

She finally glanced back at the brothers with troubled eyes and took a deep breath …..

**Chapter 8**

"I sense a _great_ darkness, blacker than the night sky in the middle of winter," the psychic's lowered tone warned, "…and it's _hungry._"

The Winchester brother's sat in silence willing the psychic to continue.

"Evil, _pure _evil… it's on the move…_searching_…._hunting_….."

"Hunting for _what_?" Sam questioned softly fearing the answer.

"_Why traces of light, _of course_," _she answered in her calm all knowing way as the floor boards creaked beneath her gently rocking chair. Her rhythmic movements reflected her quiet understanding of the things she was about to reveal.

Dean, sensing that she was somehow referring to Sam, wanted to get skip the analogy and move straight to the point.

"Why does the demon want _Sam_?" Dean questioned directly. The adamant tone in his voice surprised even him.

Missouri stopped her rocking and looked correctively at him. It was obvious that her analogy had a purpose and his direct approach was not appreciated. Still, Dean's concern was for his brother and he didn't give a _damn _about whether Missouri appreciated it or not.

Sam, desperate to understand and willing to learn from whatever form Missouri chose to express herself, looked over at Dean with a pleading look.

The older Winchester, moved by his brother's silent request, chose not to contest, but instead obliged.

"So why does the _darkness_ want the _light_?" Dean asked attempting to participate in the analogy Missouri had created.

Sam smiled appreciatively and waited for her answer.

The psychic began her repetitive motion of rocking back and forth and the floor boards once again started their chorus of creaks.

"The forces of good and evil are _gathering _in preparation for a battle whose outcome will affect all things… _every _living creature, _every_ spiritual being. Nothing will go untouched."

The words left her lips and drifted ominously into the air.

"The darkness knows of the coming war and recognizes that any light it does not seek now, it will face as an _enemy _on the battle field."

Missouri paused again allowing time for her revelation to sink into the boys' understandings.

"What does this have to do with us, with me?" Sam finally asked as he looked over at Dean and back at Missouri.

"Well, Sam, this war that's comin requires _warriors,_ of course," she paused expecting the boys to make the connection. When they remained silent, she clarified, "Good seeks warriors to _fight_ the darkness and other warriors to _protect _the light. Evil seeks the opposite."

Dean understood where she was going and counted himself a protector of the "light". He shifted next to his brother and their eyes met, and in unison returned back to her.

"Both sides are lookin right now for the warriors who can _fight_ their enemy…. people with, shall we say, _special _abilities," she glanced over to Sam, "to secure their victory."

Dean looked worriedly over at Sam. He didn't want his brother to go where he couldn't follow. "And the warriors that fight to _protect_ ...they stand with the warriors that _fight _the enemy in the battle?"

Missouri nodded and smiled sensing Dean's absolute devotion to his brother.

"S'right. As you chose your side, good or evil, you become one with what you choose." To choose _good _is to become _one with the light_ and to _act _on its behalf. If you and your brother choose the light, Sam would fight the darkness as light and you, Dean, would fight to keep your brother's light burning, to protect his flame. To choose _evil_ is to become _one with darkness_ and to act on _its_ behalf. If you choose evil, Sam would become one with the darkness and turn to fight the light and you, Dean, would fight to protect him as he ravages all that is pure and right and good."

The slow steady creaking sang on as Missouri paused once again to allow the boys to think through her revelation. She knew which side the boys would choose, but also knew that darkness would do everything within its power to stop them, and she wanted them to realize what was at stake should they be tempted by the darkness or pulled to its side. It would be Dean's responsibility, as Sam's protector and defender to prevent that from ever happening and she wanted him to fully understand what he would need to do.

"The protectors are the _silent _warriors," she began, "as important, if not more so, than the warriors that fight the enemy. They need to be stealth like in their approach, difficult to detect, ever present, sleeping…as they say… with their eyes open, ever watchful, always prepared and willing to take the place of the light, should evil seek to snuff it out."

"No," Sam whispered as the analogy brought news of Dean's potential sacrifice.

Missouri glanced over, closed her eyes, and nodded sorrowfully, acknowledging Sam's pain and somberly recognizing Dean's calling.

"This battle _cannot _be won _without_ the protectors, Sam. As the light goes forward moving the battle line, the protector follows, making sure the ground taken is secured so that it cannot be retaken, and watches for the unseen threats that linger unnoticed by the forward moving light. As the battle line creeps deeper and deeper into darkness's domain, the protector goes behind and before the light ready to take its place should the sacrifice be required of him. Back to back and side by side the two warriors push the battle line until the final victory…the purge of darkness." The protector is a warrior, a counselor, a guide, a defender, and, yes, even a sacrifice if called upon."

Dean nodded as he took each and every responsibility Missouri laid out before him upon himself. His commitment to his role in the battle that lay ahead was absolute just as his commitment to his brother was unlimited.

Missouri felt herself moved by Dean's unconditional commitment to his brother even unto death and she smiled warmly at him.

Sam had listened intently as the psychic described the battle and the role his brother and he would play in it. As she rattled off his older brother's responsibilities as counselor, guide, defender and willing sacrifice, his eyes began to tear. Dean was all these things for Sam already, and had been his whole life. Like a comfortable blanket offering warmth and a sense of security beneath its fabric layers, his brother would be at his side and knowing this made Sam feel somehow safer. The only role he could not allow his brother to play was the willing sacrifice and he would shed his blanket of protection should this battle appear to require it.

The brief lull in the conversation as the three of them sat admiring and appreciating one other, continued. Dean was surprised to find himself warming up to the psychic and even more so when he realized he might actually be able to like her in time. The lull was like a gentle breeze on a hot summer day, needed and refreshing. Unfortunately, as often hot summer days go, the breeze quickly died down and the stillness reminded them of what had yet to be explored….the role of the warrior against the darkness.

Missouri turned and looked directly at Sam. His heartbeat began to increase as the intensity of her gaze foretold a harsh reality that was about to be revealed.

"Sam…. Honey," she sighed, "Good _and_ evil are pursuing you, seeking to enlist you, but evil is _especially _powerful, set out in _rage _to _destroy _the good."

She looked over at Dean, warning him to pay attention and be mindful of his responsibilities as protector, as she planned to reveal Sam's role in the upcoming battle.

Dean, having been a "protector" all his life, was already anticipating what would be needed and nodded reassuringly at Missouri.

"If you don't join evil's side, Sam, …….if you choose to stand with good, ……… it will _hunt _you down to _destroy _you." The psychic concluded regretfully.

A strong sense of panic nearly suffocated Sam. The thought of being hunted by all the forces of evil terrified him.

Dean felt himself crumbling as her words chiseled at the hopeful walls of his heart. The key, Missouri was holding, was not the _treasure box_ of answers he had hoped for, nor the _boat load_ of questions he thought she might provoke. It was the _Pandora's Box_ that he had feared and what had escaped was _unimaginable_.

Both brothers sat there speechless.

oooOOOooo

A chorus of creaks droned on as Missouri worked out her nervous energy on the hard wooden floor beneath her. She knew what was coming next and that knowledge weighed heavy on her heart. A question still remained that neither boy had dared to ask, but both knew needed answering.

Sam found the courage, motivated mostly by fear, and hoped he and his brother were prepared enough to handle the answer. Having been speechless, his only struggle was to find the voice to express it.

"What will the darkness _do _to the light once it finds it?"

"What darkness _always _wants to do with light," she replied a bit surprised by the question.

Dean raised his eyebrows and looked over at Sam hoping his brother could somehow solve the riddle Missouri had laid before them. It was the question he and his brother had been asking ever since the demon's revelation in the cabin of having plans for the youngest Winchester. Half had been answered. The demon wants Sam to join its army and destroy good, although how it planned on getting him to join was still unknown. But the other half of the question remained. What would the demon do to Sam if he refused? Sam shook his head slightly indicating that he could offer nothing more on the subject and the two looked back at the psychic fearful of the answer.

" … _extinguish_ all traces of it."

Her words were ominous and though their exact connection between the demon and Sam had yet to be hammered out, both boys knew it wasn't good.

The psychic, feeling the responsibility of making it very clear to the boys the danger they were facing so as not to underestimate it, looked at the small coffee table in front of her and then the wall behind the boys.

"Sam, honey, go on over there and turn off the lights. The switch is on the wall behind you."

Dean was unsure as to where the psychic was heading. Sam rose and quietly did as she had asked. He returned to his spot on the sofa safely beside his older brother. Dean couldn't help but notice that Sam positioned himself closer than before as if seeking comfort from his brother's presence. Dean smiled and rested his knee on the side of his little brother's leg as if to say _I'm here, little brother, I'm right here._

Though not completely dark, the room had definitely been cast into a shadowy dimness. Missouri reached over to a candle that had been purposely placed on the coffee table between them and lit it. A small, cone shaped snuffer with a long gold handle lay neatly beside it. The flame at first flickered and then developed into a tear drop shaped light, both bright and vibrant. The three sat and watched as the candle created a warm glow that was intriguing while the location of the snuffer created a presence that was unsettling.

Missouri placed her hand on the cold metal handle and slowly began to move the object towards the candle.

"Like a candle snuffer, evil searches out the radiant flame that sheds illumination. Its movement toward the brightly glowing light causes a slight breeze that feeds and deprives the flame at the same time and briefly forces it to flicker."

Missouri glanced at the boys to gage their reactions. Dean watched cautiously anticipating what was coming next. Sam liked his lips and took a deep breath.

"The flame recovers unaware that its very existence is being threatened until the snuffer reaches its destination and envelops it completely."

All three sat in silence as Missouri placed the metallic snuffer over the candle and pressed it down.

"It delights in the slow suffocation transpiring beneath its cold metallic dominion as it completes the task it was designed for. The suffocating flame struggles hopelessly before it asphyxiates, leaving behind a ghostly cloud of smoke as it plunges the world around it into a pitch-black darkness so permeating, a hand in front of your face is impossible to detect, let alone the reaches of space around it."

The psychic removed the snuffer and released the cloud of smoke that had been contained inside it. The three sat and watched until the smoke dissipated completely into once again dimmed room.

"Fear, despair, hopelessness, anguish … and all the other elements that darkness creates, force a panic that compels some to seek out the extinguished source of light and ignite its warm and illuminating glow once again. But as they endeavor to make their way to re-light it, obstacles purposely placed, cause them to stumble and collapse making the hope of ever perceiving the world they've grown accustomed to again wane. Without hope, they lack the strength and ultimately the well being needed to bring the darkened place back into the light. Then the darkness reigns, unchallenged for all eternity."

Sam and Dean sat speechless as the analogy came to a close. Neither moved or dared to breathe fearing to do so might somehow trigger the movement of darkness towards the light Missouri had referred, the result of which would be devastating.

Dean swallowed hard as he looked over at his defeated looking brother. Missouri had just given Sam a death sentence. All of the weight of the world had been placed on his shoulders. If he did not succeed in the battle ahead, if the forces of evil extinguished light, all would be lost. He couldn't let that happen and because of that, the darkness would be seeking to destroy him or worse turn him against the light. He would either face a life of constant battles for good, against evil, and against the pull of evil to undo him or face a gruesome death at the hands of evil leaving the world to utter demise.

Sam felt sick.

Missouri had accomplished her responsibilities having revealed all the boys needed to know about the darkness and their role against it, and the potential cost. She had been honest, brutally honest, holding nothing back, but as she looked over the young men sitting before her, and sensed and felt their pain, her heart was deeply moved. She wanted to say something, anything to provoke a response in them, to motivate them to fight and not be defeated by the weight of the truth that had been dumped on their shoulders and collapsed them to the ground. But she knew, deep in her heart, that the boys needed to overcome this weight themselves and in doing so, would be best prepared for the fight. They needed to struggle with it, shift it, get it into a position in which they could find their balance and, using all their strength, rise first to their knees, then to their feet and finally stand, sure footed ready to take on the battle they were destined to fight.

Missouri watched and waited rocking out her nervousness.

It was Dean who stood first. Missouri could see it in his eyes…weariness from the effort, conviction in the cause, confidence to move forward and pleasure in his success. She smiled warmly at him as she saw his immediate action was to check on the wellbeing of his brother.

Sam nodded, having not quite reached his feet yet, but heading in that direction. Dean's understanding presence and comforting hand on his shoulder enabled Sam to make the final effort to stand.

Missouri looked deep into Sam's eyes and saw the same weariness and conviction she had seen in his brother's but she also saw something else…the absence of confidence and pleasure. She eyed him for a while searching him, sensing him, trying to determine what it was that was sapping the boy, draining him, ….."

"So what do we do?" Dean's voice broke the silence. "How do we keep the darkness from extinguishing the light?" he questioned Missouri hoping that she not only had the beginning of the story, but also knew its ending.

"There's not much _we _can do, but you and your brother have some decisions to make"

"Decisions?" Sam questioned finding his voice.

"Well, honey, it's just like in any war, you gotta first _choose _what side you're fighting for. You may _agree _with good or even _want _to be good, but that isn't really a choice, now is it. To choose is to stand, firm in your convictions, to the point of action. You both are in this battle. It's a given due to Sam's abilities, of that there is no choice, but are you boys ready to fight this battle to the death if need be?"

Sam and Dean looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

"So what's next?" Dean questioned as he attempted to map things out.

"Know your enemy, boys. You got to find out its plans, its goals, its strengths and weaknesses and learn to recognize who's on its side, who you're up against."

Sam looked knowingly at Dean. "The demon and the other children…the ones that have already used their gifts to kill"

"S'right" Missouri confirmed. "You got ta find the others like yourself, the warriors, and figure out which side they're on. You figure out a way to find them yet?"

"We're working on that," Dean added thinking of Ash.

"Good…best not take too long" she cautioned. "Find em, eliminate the ones that turned, and rally the ones that haven't. The warriors that choose to fight against the darkness will all need warriors to protect them as they battle, though I imagine many of the ones who haven't turned yet, might have found theirs already, though they may not be aware of it."

Sam smiled appreciatively at Dean. It was more like his warrior/protector had found him and Sam was so glad his brother had when he did before Melinda had completed her mission whatever the hell it was.

Dean nodded acknowledging his brother's thanks. Roy LeGrange's words echoed in his mind. _You've got a job to do and it isn't finished yet. _Damn straight, in fact, Dean thought, it's only just beginning. His thoughts were soon interrupted by the quiet questioning voice of his little brother.

"Let's say we _find_ them, these warriors against darkness and they _join _with us, then what?" Sam questioned.

"Well, honey, you fight, of course…."

"The demon" Dean clarified.

"The demon, yes, but not _just_ the demon…. _all_ the forces of evil and darkness. There are many more than the one that killed your momma, boys, and your girlfriend, Sam," she offered with sympathetic eyes.

"Yeah, but how do we _do_ that?" Sam asked hopelessly.

"The damn thing's beat us _every_ time and we're not talking checkers here." Dean jumped in. "It's been within inches of our lives and Dad, he…………….." Dean stopped abruptly and became choked up.

Sam smiled gently at Dean and finished for him. "We think it used _us_ to take out Dad." Sam paused and took a deep breath, then ran his long fingers through his hair. "How do you _fight_ something that uses _love_ against you?" he asked innocently."

The question hung in the air, which was so heavy with tension, it seemed to almost float for a while before falling to the floor. Missouri was the one to stop and pick it up.

"Why, you fight with whatcha _got_ and ya do it with _all_ your heart, Sam" Missouri encouraged.

The answer seemed so simple, so easy, but in reality, it escaped them. They needed something concrete to work with and Missouri sensed it.

"Sam, these powers of yours, have you learned to control them?" she asked already knowing the answer.

Sam looked up, "No" he replied despairingly.

"If anything," Dean added in a deeply concerned voice, "_they_ control _him_"

Missouri looked up as if asking for more.

Sam obliged. "They incapacitate me…is what he means. It's more like they hit me whenever they want, overwhelm me, and then leave me with a glimpse into the activities of others like myself."

"Others?" Missouri questioned already knowing the answer but attempting to bring out a truth she sensed Sam had kept to himself.

Dean chirped in. "Yeah, they have powers….to move things with their minds, control thoughts, see things…but they are always using them to hurt people. We try to stop them."

"I see"

"I think a demon comes to them in their _dreams _and convincesthem to _do_ things" Sam added wanting to get the psychic's input on his discovery. He glanced awkwardly over at Dean knowing his revelation would not be well received by his protective older brother.

"What the hell makes you think _that_?" Dean questioned horrified, having heard this for the first time.

"I overheard Andy's brother talking about it back at the dam. He said a guy with red eyes came to him in his dreams and told him he had plans for him."

Dean looked at Sam and wiped his hand across his face shocked by his brother's new revelation. "Did the damn thing ever appear in your dreams?! "

"No…well, I don't _think _so" Sam said hesitatingly.

Missouri nodded pleased that the conversation had gone it the direction it had gone. For Dean to fulfill his role as a warrior fighting for the light, he had to know when his brother was being attacked.

Dean stared at Sam and he felt compelled to continue.

"Okay, I never _saw _it in my dreams, but I guess I'm not sure if maybe, back in the graveyard when I had that…headache…

"with convulsions," Dean added emphasizing that it was way beyond a headache.

Sam nodded and continued. "….that dark figure that I saw, well, I don't think it was Melinda after all. I think maybe it was the demon" he eeked out looking at his brother and ready to take cover from the explosion that was about to go off.

Dean stood up. "WHAT!" he yelled feeling absolutely terrified for his younger brother. "Shit, Sam, why didn't you say anything?!!!"

"I didn't want to freak you out," Sam commented defensively gesturing his hand toward his brother, "like this. It might not have been the demon. I was so messed up, I'm not sure _what_ I saw."

Dean began pacing like a caged lion, walking from one side of the living room to the other in a nervous, steady gate. Sam watched and waited for his brother to reveal his thoughts. Missouri nodded reassuringly at Sam and continued her rocking.

Finally, Dean stopped. "But you're sure you saw a dark figure, right? And you know it wasn't Melinda, right? Did you see its eyes? Was it THE demon?" Dean questioned frantically.

"Dean, no, I'm didn't see its eyes, okay? Like I said, I'm not really sure what I saw."

Sam looked pleadingly at Dean. His eyes expressed confusion and fear and Dean was moved by his brother's anxiety. He tried to relax a bit, but his nerves were clearly bordering on being shot. In as gentle a tone as he could muster up in his current frame of mind, he questioned his brother. "Is that why you left, because you thought it might have been the demon?"

"NO, well yes, well no, not really. I just figured you'd be safer away from me. It's just like I told you back at the motel, I swear."

Dean nodded, liking the idea of protection over deception as his brother's reason.

Missouri took all this in trying to understand what had happened and how it all fit into the big picture. "So, you had an vision, Sam, saw some dark figure or something…maybe, left Dean to protect him, were found and ended up here?" she questioned looking at the boys for confirmation.

Dean quickly filled it the blanks. "Actually, Sam ran into one of the demon's children or a "warrior" or whatever the hell it was…. on his little adventure…ALONE (he emphasized still miffed that his little brother had left him and played demon food for a bit)…."

Missouri looked worriedly at Sam. "I knew I sensed danger. It actually made contact with you, Sam? For how long?"

Sam clarified and finished Dean's little story…. "For a couple of days. It…I mean….Melinda, saw Dean and took off…_end of story_" he added trying to remind Dean that nothing had happened.

"_After_ she left her little _love note_ for Sam about him needing to stay innocent and be an easier target for old Yellow Eyes" he quipped sarcastically as he concluded the retelling.

Missouri looked at Sam. "Old Yellow Eyes?"

"The demon," Sam translated, "the one who started this mess in the first place.

Missouri nodded knowingly as Sam and Dean made eye contact once again.

"There are only two reasons this demon would be making contact with you, Sam. Either it hopes you _to turn_ you or it wants to _destroy _you."

Dean looked over at Sam who sat frozen on the cushion beside him. While his body language was non-communicative, his face reflected fear.

"My guess, based on what you just told me, is that it was trying to test you. If it thinks it can break you, chip away at your convictions and strength, access your vulnerabilities, separate you from your protector, and rob you of your hope, then it will attempt to turn you. It knew either way, that its encounter would endanger you…either by setting you up to turn you or by determining you were unreachable and beginning the process of destroying you.

Sam paled and felt the same devastating feeling he did when he first read Melinda's note and the realization of what had happened had paralyzed him. He sat, once again frozen and unresponsive.

"Sam?" Dean questioned struggling with his own emotions as Missouri's revelation once again sucked the air right out of his lungs. What happened to his brother was too close and the thought that he almost lost him damn near paralyzed him as well.

"Sammy?" Dean called again as he put his hand on his brother's shoulder and gently shook him. "Hey,kiddo, you okay?"

Sam nodded but didn't say anything. Missouri ran off and got him a glass of water. He slowly drank the water as the three sat in silence.

Dean felt Sam had heard enough for one day and that maybe the rest of the conversation should happen between he and Missouri at a later date. He looked up at the psychic to initiate the close of the conversation.

"No, Dean," Sam's voice called out softly. The younger sibling sensed his brother's protective move and attempted to delay him. "I want to know everything," he glanced at his brother as his eyes teared, pleadingly, "_everything._"

Dean's eyes teared as he was moved by his brother's courage. "Okay, Sammy, okay," he cooed.

He glanced over to Missouri whose eyes were also tearing and nodded for her to continue. They shared a moment as their eyes met that forged a new demension to their relationship, one that hadn't been there before… trust. Dean realized as the tears silently rolled down the side of Missouri's face, that she loved his brother and cared deeply for his well-being and that bonded his heart to her. And somewhere in that moment of understanding, he found the jury of his heart swing in her favor.

Missouri smiled warmly at Dean admiring his strength, commitment to his brother and kind compassionate heart. It was something she had always sensed in the boy, but never seen. His façade of being insensitive and smart aleky was simply that, a façade, and, for once, he sat before her with his wall down and his eyes tearing, and she thought that he was beautiful.

Dean looked back at Sam and nodded again and the two turned their eyes towards Missouri, ready to follow the path she was laying out to its end no matter where it seemed to be heading.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Previously on Supernatural Lost and Found:**

Dean felt Sam had heard enough for one day and that maybe the rest of the conversation should happen between he and Missouri at a later date. He looked up at the psychic to initiate the close of the conversation.

"No, Dean," Sam's voice called out softly. The younger sibling sensed his brother's protective move and attempted to delay him. "I want to know everything," he glanced at his brother as his eyes teared, pleadingly, "_everything._"

Dean looked back at Sam and nodded. He was moved by his brother's courage. "Okay, Sammy, okay."

The two determined hunters turned their eyes toward Missouri, ready to follow the path she was laying out before them, no matter where it seemed to be heading.

**Chapter 10 Missouri Part 3**

"Sam, honey, turn on the lights, will ya?" Missouri requested.

While Sam obliged, Missouri made deliberate eye contact with Dean. Her eyes were kind, yet pleading, as if she was letting him know that she had to speak of something and she needed him to trust her.

Dean looked back at her with uncertainty in his eyes and a warning. It wasn't a threat, by any means; it was more like he was telling her to be careful….. with his little brother.

The kid had been through a lot already, and Dean was hesitant to go much further. Sammy was like the first layer of ice that formed on the surface of a pond at the start of winter, eager to reach from shore to shore, but not ready to withstand any weight placed upon it which could begin to weaken it to the point of cracking, until the time had passed and the temperature had dropped enough to thicken it. Dean needed the psychic's assurance that she understood the need to tread lightly with his brother and test the ice before stepping onto it. He wouldn't allow her to crack the fragile state his brother was in right now. The kid needed hope, not despair. If she couldn't offer him that, than she shouldn't offer him anything at all.

Missouri nodded to Dean fully aware of Sam's state of mind having sensed it and explored it through out the entire conversation. Treading lightly was exactly what she would do and she trusted her gifts to help her navigate the thinner places where cracks could more easily develop. Her eyes quickly darted away form Dean's as Sam returned and she smiled to welcome him.

Sam, unaware of the non spoken conversation that had just occurred, took his seat beside his brother, sighed, and nodded his head for the psychic to continue.

Dean couldn't help but notice that for all the confidence his little brother was putting forward, he was feeling vulnerable. Sam's leg, resting along side his knee, testified to it. He was ready to go forward only with his big brother beside him.

Dean tapped his brother's knee twice and turned to Missouri to hear the rest of her insights.

Missouri began her translation of the events as she perceived them.

"The episode in the cemetery was the demon trying to get to you, Sam." Missouri gently disclosed. She paused to gage his reaction.

Sam nodded, his head finally acknowledging what his heart had already known somewhere deep down inside. It was both disturbing and a relief. Disturbing to know that the demon was no longer observing him, passively referring to plans somewhere off in a far and distant future, but was becoming more aggressive. Relief, that the truth of what he had been feeling all along was finally out in the open and not the contained burden it had been caged within him.

Dean shifted nervously beside his brother as his heartbeat began to increase. _Trying, she said trying_….he restated in his mind.

"Unsuccessfully, right?" Dean questioned. "I mean, he's here, he's okay, right? It tried, but the damn thing didn't get to him, at him, in him, whatever."

"Dean, honey, you said he had convulsions?" Missouri questioned gently.

"Tell me exactly what happened," she instructed him.

Sam turned to listen as well, interested not only in the details, which he had not been cognizant of, but also to hear it told from his brother's perspective.

Dean was not really eager to revisit the experience in his mind. It was too painful. One minute his brother was fine, in the throngs of doing what the brothers did best, eliminating evil; the next, his little brother was curled in on himself, suffering from waves of searing pain, which Dean felt powerless to do anything about. Then he remembered his world falling apart as his brother, instead of recovering as he had so many times before, began violently convulsing in his arms. He remembered holding his brother's head firmly against his shoulder, trying to still him, trying to keep him safe from hurting himself. Then he recalled his brother slowly stilling to a frightening stop. Everything inside of him had stopped along with his little brother as he waited wondering if his world had shattered before his eyes and come to a tragic end. It had been terrifying to Dean, something he hoped to God he would never experience again.

"Dean?" Sam called softly noticing his brother hadn't answered the request.

"Ah, yeah, ah" Dean stumbled a bit trying to refocus and gain control of the emotions as he relived them in his mind. Not wanting to let them be known to his audience, particularly Missouri, he began detailing the events minus his reaction to them.

"Ah, Sam, well he was," Dean cleared his throat, "having a vision….the usual headache kind of thing I guess, and then it got worse until he collapsed…."

"…during a hunt! It nearly got Dean killed." Sam added knowing his brother would be leaving that detail out and wanting Missouri to understand the criticalness of the timing.

Dean frowned at Sam feeling that it was an unnecessary and irrelevant fact that he would have preferred to leave out.

He attempted to continue the retelling. "After the…"

"Attack," Sam clarified.

Dean frowned again at his brother's interruption. "… it stopped."

Sam studied his brother's eyes for a moment. He understood the words clearly, but the eyes told of a much more involved story and Sam was moved. He hadn't realized his older brother had been so affected by the incident and wished they had talked about it sooner.

Missouri smiled reassuringly at Dean acknowledging the incident with full understanding. She'd heard the whole story, the unedited version. As Dean's emotions poured out of him, she sensed each and every one even though they had never been spoken.

Dean looked at his little brother as if his safety somehow needed to be confirmed again. Having been convinced of his little brother's well being, Dean turned to Missouri for her diagnosis fearful that it might be terminal.

oooOOOooo

"Evil has a way of trying to worm itself into the thin veil that separates good from evil. As it attempts to snag and pull at the delicate threads that compose the sheer material, the good suffers the anticipated presence of evil."

Dean watched as Missouri resumed her steady rocking wondering if it was out of habit or a need for comfort that compelled her rhythmic movements.

"Sam, the episode in the cemetery was the demon's attempt to work its way in. Your mind fought against the attack valiantly, but being inexperienced in spiritual warfare, you suffered wounds…"

"The convulsions," Dean clarified.

"Yes" Missouri agreed sympathetically.

"My guess is that it had no intention of actually breeching you at the cemetery. Light is more powerful than darkness, Sam, and the demon knows it. It fears good, and to come into direct contact with good, to break through the veil to the other side, would be its undoing."

"Instead, it sought to create a small opening, small enough to reach in and pull you through. It clearly underestimated your brother's strength and grip on you, Sam," Missouri concluded giving Dean an approving wink.

Dean glanced away embarrassed by the attention he was receiving for doing what he always did….protect Sammy.

"It must have reasoned that, without your brother to hold you back on the other side, you would be easier to drag through. That's when it set its sight on Dean. It needed to get you to separate from your brother and knew the only way to do so, was to threaten his life through yours."

"Dean nearly got killed because of me," Sam offered confirming her interpretation.

"Sam," Dean corrected not wanting his brother to go in the direction of guilt.

"S'right. At least that's what it wanted you to believe. It played on your devotion to your brother, pumped guilt into your veins like poison, clouded your judgment, and ……"

"And I left, thinking I was protecting him." Sam stated sadly with his fingers up against his lips.

Missouri nodded. "Once it got you away from your brother, it made its move to pull you through.

"Melinda" Sam whispered softly.

Dean glanced at his little brother and back to the psychic for confirmation.

Missouri nodded.

"Dean, honey, if you hadn't showed up when you did…." she shook her head and tightened her lips as she considered what would have happened to the vulnerable young hunter who sat beside him.

Dean wiped his hand across his face and made a heavy sigh.

Sam sat silently beside him terrified by the thought.

"What concerns me is that it was willing to take that risk...to open the veil, even just a little, and face its own undoing just to get you. It doesn't make sense…unless… it knew you were no threat or it's desperate. Risky, very risky, and reckless." Missouri finished shaking her head obviously disturbed by the turn of events.

Missouri leaned back and began rocking. She sighed several times and the boys waited in silence.

"I believe this, Melinda, was a test to see where you stood, Sam... a lure to get you to step willingly through the veil, and if not, ultimately a device to determine if you could be pulled through or whether," she paused, " you would need to be destroyed. Did she attempt to do anything to you, Sam?"

"No, nothing. She said she had visions of the demon telling her to kill a doctor. I helped her figure out who he was, where he lived and about his life. Her visions revealed the where and the when of the upcoming murder and we rode it out. She suffered horribly, visions, convulsions, but she fought it. The time passed, the doctor lived and then Dean showed up.

Dean sickened at the thought that Sam had been dealing with all that while he sat outside the motel idly relabeling the people passing by with car makes and models.

Sam paused for a moment. "Wait, if she was with the demon, why would she have suffered for doing it's plans? It doesn't make sense." Sam questioned Dean with pleading eyes.

Dean struggled for some kind of explanation to offer his searching brother, but everything he came up with was not good and he hesitated to share them with his brother.

Questions literally began swarming around inside the youngest Winchester's head like bees around a threatened hive. Each held a potential sting.

"Do you think it was all an act? Do you think the demon's plans were to kill the doctor or to have me stop her from killing him? And if so, why? To study me, see how I work?"

Suddenly, Andy's mom's doctor flashed through his mind…the cell phone call, the gun store, a second call, the bus.

"Oh, shit!" Sam jumped up and bolted towards the car.

"Sam!" Dean called out worriedly not knowing what was running through his little brother's head. He stood up, glanced at Missouri, and took off following where his brother had gone.

Dean found Sam in the car scrambling for his lap top. He grabbed it and bolted back towards the house.

"What? Sam?"

Sam immediately hooked up his laptop and, using his EVDO card, he accessed the internet and began frantically typing.

"Sammy? What's going on?"

Sam didn't say anything. He was too absorbed in what he was doing. The keyboard clicked frantically under his fingertips.

Dean stood next to him as he worked. He glanced up at Missouri and was surprised to see her quickly glance away. He tried to determine if this was something she had planned or something that had cropped up unexpectedly. Sam's voice called him back.

"No, aw, no, no, no" Sam whispered defeatedly as he rose to his feet, covered his face in his hands and whirled around. He then dropped to his knees and leaned over with his head practically down to the floor.

"Sam!" Dean called frantically. "What is it?"

Dean looked at his brother's body grief stricken on the floor and then glanced quickly at the laptop screen. An article declared the untimely demise of a Dr. Anderson.

Dean rushed to Sam's side. He placed a supportive hand on his brother's curved back. "Sam?"

Sam didn't respond. Dean circled around to face his brother. "Sammy?"

Sam looked up, broken, with tears in his eyes. "It's my fault. I as much as killed the guy myself. I did the research, found his address. I pointed her in his direction. I thought I was helping him…..her." Tears began streaming down his cheeks.

"Sammy, look at me."

Sam struggled, but eventually made eye contact with his older brother.

"There's no way you could've known, man," Dean offered desperately trying to comfort his suffering sibling. "No way…"

"I should have figured it out, Dean. How could I be so stupid? He's dead because of me." Sam repeated looking pleadingly at his older brother to make it right, to somehow prove him wrong.

Dean knelt down to the floor and got eye to eye with his little brother. He grabbed his shoulders in his arms and spoke slowly and clearly.

"No, Sam. He's dead because of the demon, not you... not you!"

"Why? Why would the demon want him dead? If this was all an attempt at me, why would it kill him? It makes no sense?"

Dean looked helplessly up at Missouri hoping an answer would be forthcoming.

"To cause you to stumble, to trip and fall through the veil. What better way to break you than to involve you in a murder, even if it was unwillingly," Missouri contributed gently.

Her answer was spoken so factually, as if the question had been expected and the answer prepared. Dean eyed her suspiciously.

"You knew, didn't you…..about the doctor..." His tone was harsh and accusing.

Missouri looked guilty as charged. It was something in her eyes. She wasn't sorry, though. There was no regret at Sam's discovery.

"and you wanted him to know?" Dean questioned incredulously.

Her eyes dropped when he attempted to make eye contact.

Dean looked at the puddle on the floor that had once been his brother._ Damn it! He had trusted her…..the ice…..no cracks…it was an understanding._" Dean wanted to tell her off, tell her she betrayed the trust he'd put in her, grab his brother and get the hell out of there, but something held him back.

"Why?" he demanded.

"The demon is trying to break your brother and... "

"From where I'm sitting, you're doing a damn good job of that yourself!" he hissed, his voice dripping with anger as he continued trying to console his despairing sibling.

Missouri flinched at Dean's words. Their implication infuriated her. "Dean Winchester," she corrected him harshly, "you think keepin' the truth from Sam protects him? It makes him all the more vulnerable! He needs to know his enemy, where he strikes, how he works if he is to have any chance at defeatin' him. We're dealing with pure evil and it will do everything it can to destroy him. You _cannot _close your eyes," she warned reminding him of his role as protector, "Sometimes protecting involves revealing the truth no matter how painful it is."

Dean bit his lip. His brother was a mess on the floor before him and yet her words somehow made sense.

Sam leaned forward preparing to rise. Dean immediately reached his hand out to help. His younger brother received the assistance.

"Sammy?" Dean whispered searching his siblings eyes trying to discern how his brother was handling everything while searching for any signs that the thin ice of his brother's well being had been compromised.

Sam acknowledged his brother's concern and gently nodded his head.

"C'mon" Dean whispered as he gently ushered Sam to take a seat on the couch.

Sam collapsed down on the worn cushions beneath him. His knees flopped helplessly outward, one finding rest along side his brother's. His hands perched on top of his head, his elbows pointing out.

Dean rested his hand on his little brother's shoulder and gently squeezed it to show support. Then he glanced worriedly over at Missouri.

The three sat in silence for a moment waiting for Sam to set the pace. Dean was ready to call it a day. Missouri knew there was more to be discussed and Sam remained quiet.

Missouri slowly began rocking back and forth on her chair. If time could be measured by the creaking of a rocking chair, it was a good five minutes before anyone spoke. The silence was deafening to Dean who feared for his brother's well being. Sam's mind remained blank, almost too weary to hold a thought, let alone contemplate all that had been revealed thus far. To Missouri, the wait was welcomed. It gave her ample time to sense the two young Winchesters to determine where to take the conversation when it continued.

Sam rubbed his hand across his face wiping away the tears that had cascaded down and began taking deep rhythmic breaths.

Dean recognized his sibling's routine. His little brother was trying desperately to steady himself and find his focus. He'd seen Sam do it before when the wind had been violently knocked out of him. It was his way of fighting, attempting to recover.

When Jess was killed, Sam did it a lot. Just the thought of her often brought his brother into the deliberate patterned breathing indicative of the inner turmoil he was dealing with. It always hurt to see his brother suffer in that way and this was no different. Each breath was painful to Dean's ears as he listened to Sam struggle, in and out, slow and deep, trying to suck the much needed oxygen in while the weight of his situation crushed against him from all sides trying to force it out and render him unable to go on. He couldn't help but admire his little brother's courage.

He sat in silence watching and waiting. Sam had just gone ten rounds of being beaten and battered, been down for the count for more times than he could remember, and yet the kid was trying to get up. The emotional side of him wanted to tell his kid brother to stay down, the protective side wanted to throw in the towel for him, but the big brother in him wanted to see his sibling rise again, stronger and more determined to see this fight to the end.

Sam's leg momentarily lost its connection with Dean's as he shifted on the sofa beside him. Dean was quick to restore the connection as he cast a crooked smile in his little brother's direction. It was almost a playful gesture, yet it held a subtle meaning and Sam got the message.

Sam smiled as he softly exhaled. It wasn't quite a laugh, but it showed he was amused with his brother's gesture. It broke the tension of the moment and Sam was grateful. Finding a courage within himself, knowing his brother was at his side, Sam got back in the game.

"Do you think the demon will try again?" Sam questioned finally finding his voice.

Dean looked over to Missouri anxious to know the answer the psychic was clearly sensing.

She closed her eyes and sighed. Sam shifted nervously in the sofa beside Dean and he removed his arm off his brother's shoulder and settled it on his knee after a few taps to remind him he was still there.

Missouri stopped rocking and looked empathetically over at Sam and Dean.

"I think the next encounter with the forces of darkness will be to destroy you, Sam."

Everything inside of Dean wanted to fly across the room and strangle the woman as if somehow doing so would stop the prophecy she had just laid on his family, on his little brother. His blackened eyes filled with tears of anger and rage.

As he looked menacingly over at the seer ready to denounce her authority to speak on behalf of his brother's future, he was instantly softened by what he saw. Tears, lots of them, were cascading down her face, empathetically falling as she felt the pain of the boys as her own. Dean felt confused and disconnected, and then he searched out his brother's face for some sense of the damage that had been delivered to him.

Sam sat stunned once again and then slumped back into the soft unformed cushions of the sofa and sighed heavily. He ran his hands through his hair as Missouri's revelation made all the pieces fall into place. "Damn" he swore softly. His life was even more messed up than he realized and though grateful his brother had saved him when he did, he realized even more fully, that Dean's life was in more danger now more than ever…as was his.

Sam sadly looked over to Dean with apologetic eyes and opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't say it, Sam, don't even think it," Dean commanded knowing his brother was already rethinking their choice to join forces and move forward together. "We've been down this road before…and we're traveling it together. Got it!"

"Dean"

"No, Sam. I'll shut my eyes…you'll shut yours..remember?" he chanted in a code-like manner so as not to embellish the entire meaning to Missouri, though he figured she had already read his thoughts.

Sam nodded. Truth was, he needed Dean, not just as a brother and friend, but as a protector and partner and Dean…. Dean needed him too. Of that he was sure. He looked over at his older brother and nodded closing the door on that possibility forever. They were in this together….forever.

Missouri, sensing a break through had occurred and wanting to give the boys a moment to talk, scurried away and later came back with some beer.

Dean raised his eyebrows. "So are we _out_ of lemonade?" he commented sarcastically, surprised that Missouri's matronly way towards Sam would allow her to present him with alcohol.

"Oh, honey, we're waypast lemonade….." She replied acknowledging the heaviness of all that had been explored in their conversation so far.

oooOOOooo

After refreshing themselves a bit, the conversation returned.

"So where do we go from here?" Sam questioned eager to hear what answers Missouri might have hidden in her bag of wisdom.

"Why that's up to you and Dean, of course," she offered flatly.

"What?!" They both stated in shock.

"You heard me, boys" she stated in her Southern Belle drawl.

"That's it?!! You're in a war; the demon's gonna hunt him down (Dean gestured over to Sam) and try to destroy him; I'm supposed to protect him; and by the way, good luck!?" Dean reiterated annoyingly.

"Don't you use that tone on me, _boy_" she corrected Dean.

He rolled his eyes and looked away disgustedly. _Maybe the jury should recount the votes_ he muttered under his breath.

Missouri eyed him suspiciously, but made no comment. Their meeting of the minds earlier had given her a warmth for the elder Winchester which afforded the young man more leeway in her eyes.

"How are we supposed to fight this battle?" Sam questioned sincerely hoping to get any last insights from he psychic before she shut down. "Do you know how to kill the demon?"

"Why Honey, with your gift, of course. You have a seeing eye, Sam. Your visions give you insights into what evil is doing, its plans, its goals. Don't fight your gift. To do so will only cause you pain. Learn to _use_ your gift to your advantage. Control it and it will serve you well; give you insight into the battles to be fought and the way to win them."

Missouri sat back. It was obvious she had revealed all she needed to and the conversation had reached its conclusion.

"Thank you, Obi-wan," Dean retorted sarcastically. "And hopefully the force will be with us..."

"Dean," Sam cautioned.

"You watch your mouth," she corrected again. Dean had earned leeway, but even with that he was out of runway, "and it wouldn't hurt to have a little help from the force, wise guy" she added as she shooed Dean's feet off her coffee table.

Dean was surprised the woman could be quick with her comebacks. He took the last swig of his lemonade and started to stand up.

"And don't you go puttin' your wet glass on my coffee table," Missouri corrected him sharply.

Dean's mouth opened and closed a few times as if he was going to defend himself, but he knew she had read him right. He hated when she did that. He raised his eyebrows innocently, took his brother's glass as well, and tip toed exaggeratedly out to the kitchen.

Sam smiled. For some reason, he got a kick out of Missouri's abilities when it came to Dean. He knew with all her complaining, that she was harmless, and he liked to see his older, confidant, demon hunting brother squirm just a bit, once in a while in the woman's presence.

Dean returned shortly after with a grin on his face. Missouri shook her head knowing what he had done as she pictured the glasses upside down on the counter with water trapped inside of them. "Dean Winchester! Boy..." she said threateningly in an almost amused and teasing way.

Sam had no idea what Dean had done, but he knew it was enough to rattle the psychic's chain. He shook his head and looked apologetically at Missouri, having been a victim of his brother's pranks many times.

She rolled her eyes and then laughed out loud. Dean was once again surprised by the woman before him. He enjoyed hearing her voice rise up in happiness. It was a far cry from the daunting tone that it had assumed just moments earlier.

Sam stood up and the boys began their goodbyes. Missouri offered to put them up for the night, but both needed some time to sort through things, to be together, with each other, alone in their normal routine where things felt safe.

Sam offered a warm hug which Missouri embraced. "Be good, Sam. Remember …good is stronger than evil. Trust your instincts and let your brother help you."

He nodded, kissed her on the cheek and stepped through the doorway and out onto the porch to wait for his brother.

She looked sorrowfully at him. "So young, to have to carry such a heavy burden" she muttered to herself as he exited her home.

Dean heard her comment and agreed in his heart. He moved to exit the door and turned facing Missouri. He shifted, clearly uncomfortable about the thought of hugging the woman, but feeling he should offer some kind of goodbye. He reached out his hand for a shake.

Missouri raised her eyebrows and slapped his hand away. She grabbed his shoulders and hugged him tight. "Just like your daddy" she muttered affectionately. "What is it with you older Winchester men and your fear of intimacy?"

Dean smiled. He liked being categorized with his father, whether it was for a compliment or an insult.

"You be good, too," she encouraged. "And you take good care of that boy," she added nodding off in Sam's direction. "And you take good care of yourself, Dean Winchester," she added sweetly with warm and admiring eyes.

Dean stared for a moment at her gaze. She was a remarkable woman, this Missouri Mosley, and a part of him, albeit tiny, was actually going to miss her. As he left, he decided the verdict was in on the psychic and the case was finally closed and he looked forward to seeing her again…when all this was over.

Dean gathered Sam and the two headed to the car.

"Y' all come back soon, ya hear?" she called after them. "Don't be strangers."

Dean turned back and studied her eyes for a moment curious if her beckoning was an indication that the psychic woman knew their paths would cross again or if she was just being friendly. He suspected the first and wondered what would take place in between now and then.

The boys waved, got in the car and headed for the highway.

oooOOOOoo

Sam took up his silent vigil on the seat beside him obviously contemplating all that had been said while sorting out its meaning.

Dean called softly over. "Y'okay?"

"Yeah"

Sam's conversation technique was back to one word utterances. Definitely a conversation stopper. Dean decided that would need to end here and now. Sam's head was one of those places Dean couldn't go. He couldn't stand beside his brother in the quiet, guilt filled corridors of his little brother's mind, and he hated that. The best he could do is get his siblings mouth to spill whatever was welling up inside and he decided it was time to open up the floodgates, that is if he could get the kid past "yeah".

"What's goin' on inside that freaky head of yours?" he asked his brother gently. His heart declared Yatzee when his brother replied in a complete sentence.

"Guess I'm trying to figure out where we go from here," Sam offered quietly.

"Well, I for one, don't feel like waiting around for the demon to come looking for you," Dean emphatically replied.

Sam looked over at Dean and nodded in total agreement.

"I say we head on back to the roadhouse and keep looking for kids like you to join our side, you know, build us a freaking army, go hunt the yellow eyed Son of a Bitch and all his buddies and kill the bastards, every last one of them…starting with our favorite one, of course!"

"With what? We don't have the Colt, remember?"

"True, but we got something better!"

Sam looked over at his brother surprised, thinking maybe he'd missed a great revelation somewhere between his drowning in emotions and falling off the Hopeless cliff back at Missouri's.

"You" Dean replied glancing over at his little brother with a crooked smile and playful eyes.

Sam raised his eyebrows as if asking what planet his brother was on.

"Missouri said the demon can't confront good directly, right? I believe her exact words were something like, _'It would be its undoing'_ Dean stated it in the best high pitched Southern Belle accent he could project.

Sam couldn't help but smile.

"Maybe we can figure out a way to use your abilities and pull the damn thing through the veil to our side and watch its sorry ass disintegrate before our eyes."

Sam smiled amused by his brother's bravado. "Yeah, sounds good," he replied at the pipe dream his brother had created.

Dean detected Sam's sarcasm and hint of despair.

His demeanor became more serious. "We'll figure this thing out, Sammy. It may take a little time, but we will," he stated reassuringly.

Sam remained silent.

"You hearing me, Little Brother?" Dean questioned glancing over at his brother for a response.

Sam barely nodded as he looked over at Dean. His eyes were pleading and hopeless. He so desperately needed Dean's strength and belief that it would work out. Evil was looming, and he was feeling so small. He had no idea how to control his visions and Missouri hadn't offered much in that department. _Don't fight your gift. Learn to use it to your advantage. Control it and it will serve you well; give you insights to win._ He could hear her words in his head, but couldn't find much comfort in her advice. It was like someone giving you directions without being able to recall any of the street names...first you go down a ways and take a right and after a little while take a left at the tree, and then go right just past the bump... vague at best and seemingly useless.

Dean could tell Sam was struggling and felt the need to reassure him one more time. "I mean it, Sam. We'll figure this out, together! I promise."

Dean's confidence was greatly needed and appreciated by Sam. His big brother had enough hope for the both of them. After all, that's what brothers do for each other; when one can't walk any further, the other carries him for a while. It was Dean's turn to carry Sam, this time, and he would do it to his death if need be. Sam knew it and feared it. Dean knew it and was committed to it.

"Remember, you promised to tell me when to close my eyes," Sam offered as he considered what the reality of their going forward together might mean.

"As did you, Little Brother, as did you." Dean softly replied.

oooOOOooo

Their commitment to each other was steadfast even unto death. One way or another, they were taking the same road together to a shared, albeit unknown, destination.

Fin

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts! I hope you enjoyed it! Rachelly


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